Just checked on my class reunion page and found nothing new. We took up a big collection at the 30 year reunion to pay for the site upkeep, but I don’t know who else in my graduating class really cares. Most haven’t updated their profile since the site went up in 2009. I suppose people are busy with other things, like life, to bother with updating defunct web pages.
It always makes me feel lonely when I go there. So why do I? Always that stupid hope. That someone had something interesting to comment on that I could relate to. Same reason I check my Facebook page, hoping someone has something interesting to impart. It never really happens. But I check in any way, giving in to the mainstream illusion of some sort of connection with my fellow human beings, by checking how many people “like” me. Facebook, playing on those old highschool insecurities, I make sure I have something to put on my page every day. At least I’ll feel I made the effort to connect, because let’s face it that’s all we’re after in this world, is making a lasting connection with other people?
Maybe that’s my problem, my need to feel connected to other people. Maybe not everyone needs to feel that connection. I want to connect to the people I used to know and people I want to get to know better. I seem to be inept at making face to face connections, and feel a little better on Facebook. I honestly have started to feel something like connectedness to people I barely know.
I get much more meaningful connections with this blog and reading other bloggers here. Are we the honest people out there? That’s always my goal–to write the truth. I think some of the bloggers are like me, looking for connections. And not just connections of highschool, because that’s practically family. Not that you really chose your highschool, right, but you feel an affiliation to it. Just like loyalty to your hometown, or country you live in.
One reason I feel disconnected from my high school friends, and old hometown acquaintances is I don’t feel I have anything in common with them. I’m sure I do have common interests, but it’s just not talked about. I’ve always liked to talk about the forbidden things: sex, religion, politics. I like to push people to think a little differently about a subject. I’ve been told I have an odd twist on my view of the world.
Maybe I was like that in highschool too, sort of opinionated. I don’t know, it’s been too long since I was 18 and I have no recollection of who I used to be then. I like to think I’ve grown since then, but I wonder too what I have lost along the way, by losing my connection to a simpler lifetime; the past is always simpler than today. I seek the simpler times.