I slept 11 hours last night, and my body is still tired after my busy weekend.  I never thought going to the park and sitting for an afternoon, and strolling through various garden centers and gardening on Sunday would have worn me out so.  Before I retired I did weekends like this without an 11 hour night.  How had I mnanaged?  No wonder my world seemed to have been spinning out of control the last year.  I’ve done a little research and found that many of my symptoms were symptoms of sleep deprivation.

Tiredness, anxiety, intolerance to stress, trouble concentrating, difficulty learning.  As I look back on my last three years working I can see where my stress level just seemed to keep increasing, while my normal tolerance of stress was all but gone.  I never noticed I was more tired than usual.  I’d been going to bed at 9pm for years, but now it dropped to 8pm and sometimes earlier.  I napped every weekend.  But I kept going.

Sometimes I don’t know how I pulled myself through my days.  I was always stressed, my MS symptoms were mild, but a constant issue, and I still didn’t recognize how tired I was.  How could I be so blind? I suppose it helps that I was raised with a huge dose of work ethic.  Even that wasn’t enough to keep up with my legal secretary job.  The mistakes were increasing, my stress increased, things were forgotten, my stress increased, files were misplaced appointments forgotten.  It seemed like every day it was something else hitting me in the face with my growing ineptitude.

I knew a year before I retired that it was a lot closer than I had ever thought, but even then I thought I could make it another five years.  Im so lucky now to have retired, my life is my own, and most of my time is as well.  I do the things I want to do and have all day to do them.  Unfortunately, I don’t have the  money now to take long trips or the energy go hiking in the mountains.

Still my life now is mostly stress free.  This week especially because the grandson is on Spring Break and spending a few days with his Mom.  I love life a lot more now that I have the time to enjoy it.  I find I am more patient in line at the grocery.  I’m friendlier too.  It seems like now I have the time to be nicer to people.  Isn’t that awful?  Is that what is wrong with the US?  We’re all just too busy to be patient with and kind to others?  Wouldn’t it be a wonderful world, if we could all just retire?

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