Another blog brought dreams to mind.  Dreams for our future.  My dreams for my future.  I let go of them very young and now have regrets.

I waited a long time to give some of my time to me and have regrets.

I married young and now have the “I wonders.”

I pushed aside my dreams for so long most of them have been long forgotten.  I still have one, old, dream (and renewed dream)–to do stand up.   It costs money to get stage time unless you’re part of a class or troupe.  I’d so love to be part of a group or team.  It would take the terror of stage fright out of the equation.  Not that I have stage fright.  I think there could be nothing better than to have a houseful of people paying money to see ME.

So why don’t I pursue this dream with more effort?  What am I afraid of?  Afraid of the time it would eat, that now I have free.  There’s the current problem with writer’s block (this blog excepted).  Knowing the odds are against me ever having an HBO special.  Knowing there are lot’s of people out there much funnier than me.  Do I want to do that to my ego at this point in my life?

I’m afraid, with some additional training, I could be part of an improv group and do some local gigs.  That brings up all the driving I’d be doing: Hollywood, the West Side, the Valley, Downtown.  The audience wouldn’t exactly be coming to me.  I think this is my biggest hurdle.  I used to get lost a lot, and the idea of a computer getting me from A to B gives me the technological willies.  So that’s it then.  I finally wrote down what is really holding me back.  Now to overcome that hurdle.

And what of the second hurdle.  H’s desire to have me home.  He’ll worry when I’m not home.  He can come along but he doesn’t want to see me perform.  It makes him uncomfortable.  Overcome hurdle number two: I’m a big girl, blah, blah, have a phone, etc., and a gps.

Then there’s the writer’s block.  I can’t even remember the last time I wrote regularly, before I retired anyway.  Starting this blog was going to be therapy to get back into writing.  Maybe this hurdle will self resolve.

Back to dreams.  Live your dreams, don’t hold back and wait.  Take the opportunities life gives you, but know what you’re trading to get that.  Not all of my trades have balanced out yet.  Dreams don’t get easier with age.

3 thoughts on “dreams

    1. I’ve kicked around that idea. Currently, I don’t plan what I’m going to write on here on any given day, something just comes. That’s how my writing always was. Now there’s a disconect somewhere. I do hope this blog changes that and so far it seems to be doing that.

  1. When I read the blog that you did I also wondered a bit about ‘dreams’ and why when we get older our dreams seem to diminish in reality. I am a senior 66 and when I read that I thought about what dreams I did have previously …and I must admit that because of the time I was born into…and the upbringing that I had..post secondary education was not even thought of as a possiblility…no I just wanted to get married, have children and live happily ever after.

    Well my dream came true ..I was married ..also very young 18 and had 3 wonderful children who are of course now adults and have children of their own. The ‘happily ever after’ came but with large bumps along the way ..depression being the top one..and others. So while it was not ‘ever’ after my husband and I are happily married…In 2013 we will have been married 50 years.

    My dreams now are basically to adjust to our medical issues, enjoy our life together…and I’m stepping out of my comfort zone to volunteer at our local hospital.

    Dreams are wonderful…there are more possiblilities however when we are young and have a vision.

    Maybe you could get into local community theatre or something …not exactly what you want but similar??……Anyway enjoyed reading your blog…..Diane

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