Another blog brought dreams to mind. Dreams for our future. My dreams for my future. I let go of them very young and now have regrets.
I waited a long time to give some of my time to me and have regrets.
I married young and now have the “I wonders.”
I pushed aside my dreams for so long most of them have been long forgotten. I still have one, old, dream (and renewed dream)–to do stand up. It costs money to get stage time unless you’re part of a class or troupe. I’d so love to be part of a group or team. It would take the terror of stage fright out of the equation. Not that I have stage fright. I think there could be nothing better than to have a houseful of people paying money to see ME.
So why don’t I pursue this dream with more effort? What am I afraid of? Afraid of the time it would eat, that now I have free. There’s the current problem with writer’s block (this blog excepted). Knowing the odds are against me ever having an HBO special. Knowing there are lot’s of people out there much funnier than me. Do I want to do that to my ego at this point in my life?
I’m afraid, with some additional training, I could be part of an improv group and do some local gigs. That brings up all the driving I’d be doing: Hollywood, the West Side, the Valley, Downtown. The audience wouldn’t exactly be coming to me. I think this is my biggest hurdle. I used to get lost a lot, and the idea of a computer getting me from A to B gives me the technological willies. So that’s it then. I finally wrote down what is really holding me back. Now to overcome that hurdle.
And what of the second hurdle. H’s desire to have me home. He’ll worry when I’m not home. He can come along but he doesn’t want to see me perform. It makes him uncomfortable. Overcome hurdle number two: I’m a big girl, blah, blah, have a phone, etc., and a gps.
Then there’s the writer’s block. I can’t even remember the last time I wrote regularly, before I retired anyway. Starting this blog was going to be therapy to get back into writing. Maybe this hurdle will self resolve.
Back to dreams. Live your dreams, don’t hold back and wait. Take the opportunities life gives you, but know what you’re trading to get that. Not all of my trades have balanced out yet. Dreams don’t get easier with age.