Still a Blank

MY mind is blank.  More blank than my usual.  Husband keeps asking if I’m OK.  What do I tell him?  No.  Of course I’m not OK, I suddenly have no thoughts in my brain at all.  Or Yes, I’m fine, which is what I say.  How to explain to someone you have no thoughts.   I can sit and watch TV or just as raptly, watch the leaves blow in the breeze.  I have no idea really what I’m watching.  I’m just blank and empty.

I thought maybe it was because my GP had suggested me tapering off, then stopping Abilify, I thought I was slightly depressed.  I had been off it for several days, before starting again.  Maybe it hasn’t quite kicked in, or maybe this is one of my new normals: like weak thumbs, and head pain.  Maybe I just have to accept that this is a new normal and move on.

Mostly I think I do OK, but I feel disconnected somehow.  Maybe this feeling will pass.  I’ll be going for accupuncture for my hands next week.  Maybe it will loosen my brain and thoughts may stream through.  Because right now it feels as if my imagination is dammed up.  I thought I took down a chunk of that wall recently, but it turns out not to have been large enough.  At least today I’ve got enough oomph to write this.  Tomorrow will be better, or the same.  No use worrying about it.

3 thoughts on “Still a Blank

  1. When I was on different medications….too many at one time I think…I had that feeling…One time especially was a terrible time to have it…one of my sisters was dying of cancer and then did pass away but I couldn’t emotions were there inside of me …I was losing my sister after all…but by my emotions one would never know…At some point the meds were changed but during that time it was an awful feeling….hope it passes for you soon….Diane

  2. This sounds like a medication side effect. I am not a medical professional but from my experience with my MS and the approach I am taking is that we need to feel to heal. Acupuncture is awesome. It at first made me very emotional as I felt it opens up a well. My running joke was that my acupuncturist had punctured my tear duct. It didn’t alleviate the numbness in my feet, so don’t get too hung up on physical symptoms being immediately alleviated, though good for you if it works that way for you. The premise of acupuncture, acupressure, and qi gong is to remove blockages and allow energy to flow. This releases stress and creates a healing ground in your body. Best of luck to you and please don’t forget to breath. Namaste…

    1. Thanks for your support. It does seem like a medication side effect. The question is which drug? Which one can I give up? One of the four antidepressants? or my painkillers? I do blame ms for the mind blank, whether it’s a side effect or not. I think this Mind Blank is part of overall cognitive problems, which is one of my toughest symptoms. It may come and go, like most of my symptoms and I’m hopeful for the accupuncture to work, but at $55 per visit I can’t afford to go very often or for very long. So I feel sort of silly going through the motions; Even if it works, I’ll eventually have to give up treatment because of affordability. If it doesn’t, I’ll have wasted money I can ill afford to lose. It’s a bad way to go into accupuncture, for sure, and I’m trying to remain open to it’s benefits.

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