Melancholy


Money is getting tighter.  Son’s business is not working out and he is not making as much money as we’d hoped, and not flush often enough.  Disappointed, he is considering his limited options.  Unfortunately, so many companies test for drugs, he is really dreading going back to a regular job.  I am not able to convince him that not all companies test.  To do the testing is expensive and working for a small company he is less likely to be tested, but he is disbelieving, not to mention, not wanting to look for a full-time job.  It also raises the question, what to do with his son before and after school, and how do I pay for that?

Since I am in a similar place I can relate to how he feels.  There are few jobs out there and then eliminating the ones likely to run a drug test, there are fewer still.  Sure, it’s not like he or I can’t quit smoking.  But for S it is the only medication available for his bi-polar, since he has no insurance.

It would be very difficult to find day care for GS.  His ADHD is not improving as he grows up, and not many people can actually handle him for long.  He is so impulsive he will tell you no, and then go do what you told him not to.  And believe me, we discipline him.  He has been grounded and had games and privileges taken away, and it barely affects him.  He is prone to bouts of “Nobody loves me,” when upset, which upsets me greatly.

Then there’s my growing melancholy.  I know its withdrawal of the antidepressants, and so far I can deal with it, but this deepening melancholy is a drag.  I can’t seem to get anything done.  My house needs tidying, dusting and vacuuming, and I don’t care.  I can keep up with the dishes, but my kitchen floor needs mopping.  Then there are two bathrooms to clean, and I’m just not motivated in doing more than a cursory job.

I’m not interested much in writing.  I don’t want to go out.  I don’t want to talk with people or have visitors.  Writing this blog, doing some exercise and taking my dog for a walk every evening is about all I can handle.  I am encouraged that I am able to do anything right now, and keep telling myself it will get better soon, but I’m down to less than half my usual dosage, so a little melancholy is not surprising.

I am coming here to read, there is so much good stuff here at WordPress.  Many funny people, who have marvelously funny blogs, and sorry I have to stay away from reading some of the deeper blogs, as my emotions are too raw to deal much with other people’s heartaches.

Bear with me, I’m working on getting happier.

8 thoughts on “Melancholy

    1. It is great isn’t it? I’ve met more people online in the last 6 months than the previous 5 years.

      Perhaps it’s the anonymity of it all, and the baring of souls and intimate revelations, allows a bond to form. Either way, I love my blogging friends. 🙂

  1. You have a lot on your plate right now …I hope that the ‘melancholy’ dissipates…or perhaps you may consider a bit higher dosage.. I know you likely don’t want to but with so much stress right now it may not be the right time to cut down….just some thoughts….Diane

    1. Yes, the taper is a big concern, but then again, I really want to get off Effexor and Abilify. I was getting some all over body spasms and those have stopped. I feel somewhat clearer minded lately and hope that some of my cognitive issues will ease up. I also figure there’s never a good time to make major changes. You always need to make the changes under stress. At least that’s how it seems to work for me.

      I appreciate your kind thoughts.

  2. No wonder you’re worried about things. I hope things start looking up. That drug testing is so wrong! Maybe give yourself five minutes a day of something small and nice, just for you? A sit in a garden? A cup cake?

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