Making Changes

I am trying to make changes in my life and having a hard time sticking to them.  My two main issues: chocolate, and going places alone after dark.

I have a weakness for chocolate.  I also am prone to depression.  Chocolate helps.  Or it seems to.  I have been trying to stop eating sweets and chocolate and have failed miserably.  I’m looking for work now and I can’t fit into my old work clothes.  I want to lose twenty pounds by January and I can’t stop stuffing my face.  This is actually new to me; this total lack of self-control.  I used to be very disciplined, but now that I’m older I wonder why I bother. What happened to my self-discipline?  If I go to the grocery store, I’ll buy myself a candy bar and eat it before I even get home.  I have concluded I do want to lose weight for me.  I’ll feel better.  I’ll look better.   It would improve my overall diet, but there’s a bit part of me that  screams “Who Cares?”  Why can’t I do it for myself?  Don’t I care how I feel and look?  Yes, I do, but I guess I like chocolate more.

Exercise is another change.  For about 9 days I worked out 1/2 hour every morning-yoga and light weights, I thought I was on a roll.  I’m not.  I didn’t work out yesterday and this morning I barely did.  I seem to lack the motivation to do certain things.  I have access to a gym for free, not a great gym, but hey it’s got machines and weights and it’s free.  Why don’t I use it?  The time to start is now, yet I sit here writing my blog, contemplating a nap.

As for going places alone and in the dark, that has been an issue for me and my H our entire marriage.  When I was  young I trusted my instincts and I was fine, as far as I felt free to walk around the Navy base in the dark.  I grew up in a little village in the Midwest.  It was a people-don’t-lock-their-doors type of town.  My H educated me of the dangers that lurk in the dark, and I watch TV.  I know what happens to women caught unawares in the dark.  Ridiculous, right?  I never was afraid when I was younger.  I went to night school for years.  H was more comfortable with that.  I had a well-lit destination.  But going out to a comedy club that might be located off a dark alley; H is not at all comfortable with that and so I let him talk me out of going places.  Plus I am, like most people, uncomfortable going somewhere alone.   I only have H and S and both would rather stay home.  I know for myself, I should just do it.  I love comedy and I love live comedy.  What’s more, I want to do live comedy (as opposed to “dead” comedy).  Yet I find myself making excuses not to write material, why bother, H will never be comfortable with me driving to unknown places, in the dark, by myself.  And I seem to lack the guts to do it.

My last change is to find employment.  I am (almost) employed.  I accepted the job from the emailer; he sent me an email this morning saying that if I was committed, he would consider me hired.  I told him I’d accept for $400 a week.  Since he’s in France, I guess I’ll have to wait until tomorrow to know if he’ll go for that.  I am going into this very cautiously.  There are a lot of things up in the air right now with it, and I hope they’re all cleared up quickly.  He indicated he would send me a check along with instructions as to what he needed.  I’m not sure how he can email me a check.  I thought that he might want my bank account and routing numbers in order to pay me.  I’m nervous about releasing that information.  I do have a small savings account with my credit union.  I could have him deposit there.  That way if this is some kind of scam he wouldn’t have access to withdraw any money (who actually has money in their savings?).  Seems safer at least.  This is the weirdest job yet.

It’s never easy to change.  I’m thrilled to be offered a job when I really needed it, even if it’s part-time.  I’m hopeful it works out.  Perhaps if it works out I will be inspired to actually give up chocolate.  I think I’m addicted and will have to quit all chocolate forever, like an alcoholic and alcohol.

No more excuses.  No more regrets. That’s my new motto.

How long will this last, I wonder as I eat a handful of mini cookies instead of a banana.


Ok, no more sweets, starting now.  Yoga every morning, starting tomorrow.  Attend a comedy show, within the next two months.  Write something funny, today.


12 thoughts on “Making Changes

  1. A lot of ‘pressure’ on you…some of it put on yourself but we seem to all do that at times. I’d like to lose just 10 pounds ..not that I shouldn’t lose more but I’d be happy with 10..My weakness is not chocolate or sweets…just ‘food’..potatoes, pasta etc. and I can’t find the motivation either…I’m like you I say ‘why bother’ I’m older and who cares…But I know I’d feel better if I did….

    I hope you find out more about this job and if you decide to take it …hope you get the $400 …I think you will if it turns out to be a ‘go’ for you….Now write something funny!….lol Diane

    1. Thanks for the input. Not fitting into my pants has always encouraged me to lose weight. But with this work at home job I don’t know that I’ll need the dress clothes–though I will still need a second part time job.

      As for writing something funny, I’m working on it.

      1. Oooh, I used to just love to eat a chunk of cheddar! Even better was a slice of cheddar with a pickle! Luckily I outgrew that phase.

        I’m going to post what funny stuff I wrote. Hope you like it.

  2. i hope you are very cautious with this job offer. everything about it screams scam! the more personal info you give out the more vulnerable you are to identity theft. if he is legitimate there has to be some way/person to act on his behalf in the u.s.
    i would also google the address and see it from satelite. we had someone email us about renting one of our rentals and when i did the satelite map it showed there was no house at the address he gave.

    as far as being motivated, good luck with that one. i keep saying i am going to be up by a certain time and some days i make it and some i don’t.

    i hope you can find a way to do what your passion is.

    1. I haven’t heard back from this guy as to my counter offer. I think I should ask to have a Skype call to answer questions. I never thought about a stealing my identity scam. Wow. I thought I was approaching this carefully, but he’s already got a lot of information on me. Suddenly re thinking this whole thing.

  3. Go easy on this offer girl, I hope for your sake it is an offer in all honesty, but as your friend said, they have your info and nothing concrete on the offer at this stage, keep a record of all his details, email addresses, phone numbers, dates and times of conversations and locations he is emailing from or calling from.
    Sorry to sound so cautious but it is easy to scam now and we dont wont you hurt.
    Maybe it will turn out to be a bona fide offer, for your sake I hope it is, in the meantime be cautious.

  4. I agree that you need to be careful about giving out your personal info. Some states have a phone number at the Consumer Protection office etc that you can call to check on such scams.

    1. I’ve checked BBB and the CA Attorney General’s office, and the guy’s name doesn’t come up. I have no firm name, no address or location, so that hinders me. I haven’t found anything on him on the internet. I’ll ask him for a company name and address, but I haven’t heard back from him yet today…if I will.

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