Getting Harder

Mom is still worrying us.  She is not eating and this morning wouldn’t get out of bed.  She doesn’t want to deal with her finances or decide if she wants to send any gifts to her grandchildren.  I hate to push her, but with her not eating I’m afraid she won’t last long with us and then how do we get access to her bank account to pay off any final debts, we are sure to see some medical bills about R pretty soon.  I hate to tell her it might be best if she added our names to her bank accounts.  You’d think with my 10 years in trust law I would know how to do some of this stuff, but I just can’t remember exactly what is needed. I guess I do know, but don’t know how to approach her.  She’s lost so much, I don’t want her to feel we are now taking more from her.  We were supposed to go back to her apartment today to gather more of her belongings and sort through papers.  She didn’t want to go today.  After she got up she said she would go tomorrow, but I’m not sure she will.

I have paperwork to appeal my disability, and it overwhelms me.  They want additional information but I don’t know how to get my test scores from the employment agencies.  Even if they will give them to me, it won’t prove I can’t do a different job, like a theater ticket taker.  Maybe I can do that, but no one will give me a chance because there are plenty of people out there with the needed experience.  I applied for a job with Marriott as a guest service rep, and they turned me down.  Is that proof I cannot do the job?  I don’t know.  I guess it’s proof I don’t currently have the skills for it.  Can I submit this as proof of unemployability?  Time for a lawyer, but what do I do for income while I wait for my DI hearing.  My only choice right now seems to be going back to work, maybe just to prove I can’t do it.  I’m willing to learn a new job, start a new “career,” but can’t do it in this economy.  There are way too many unemployed to fill the few jobs available.  I know I can’t drive far for work, and jobs nearby are even harder to find.  I feel hopeless as well as useless, just like Mom does.















































6 thoughts on “Getting Harder

  1. The situation is getting so hard for you in so many ways. I know that feeling well but my empathy for you doesn’t help much. I am beginning to tackle some seemingly insurmountable problems, including financial, one by one by one and gradually getting there. Maybe you will have to force the issue with your Ma?

    1. Yes, I will approach her this weekend and just “suggest” she put someone else on her bank account just in case. She’s pretty realistic about things, but I won’t push her. She still can’t go through their things and decide if she wants to send anything to any of her other grandkids.

    2. And, thank you so much for taking time out of your very busy life to comment on my blog. I hope your financial struggles are not too bad. I wish you all the best! Keep up the good work!

  2. Don’t know if this helps at all but when my mother became unable to do her own finances my oldest sister at the time went to a Stationery store and bought a will kit I believe that came with 1. A will that can be done as long as witnessed by someone other than who would benefit. 2. A Power of Attorney giving someone (most likely you) the power to handle her finances 3. Medical Directive in case some decision is needed for eg. life support that perhaps would be needed and also to make arrangements for burial .. I would imagine that there would be similar in the USA… It is perfectly legal…and was necessary.

    I’m sure since your mother is not well enough to make any decisions right now and I’m sure she trusts you for her best interests, that she would agree to this….We did this also for my brother. It’s not too hard …just follow directions.

    As far as not eating I can’t do much to help…just sympathize…As with a job…Only that you seem to be unemployable and the DI should now recognize this…

    Take care my friend…hope this helps in some way to ease your stress…Diane

    1. Thanks for the suggestion. Its a very good one and will work in California. Being familiar with wills this shouldn’t be hard for us. The Power of Attorney and Health Care Directive for sure would be a good idea.

      We took Mom to her apartment today to stay for a couple days and say goodbye to her friends there. She has a couple of friends that will stay with her and come by to check on her.

      I am behind in reading blogs and hope to catch up a little bit this weekend. I need to see how you are doing since your move.

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