Some Days Just Suck

And today was one of them.  I didn’t get out of bed until 3:00.  It’s 3:30 and I’m ready to go back. 

I had one thing to do today; return a call to my bank.  It drives me nuts.  They send me a letter and some forms.  I return them.  They call again.  Only leaving a name and number.  The keep calling my cell phone.  Never once have they tried to contact me by any other number.  I return the call and no one knows why I’m calling.  I sent you the papers why did you send me the exact same package a second time?  No one knows.  I get another call, on my cellphone.  I call back today.  Again no one has any idea what is going on.  They say they need my social security number.  You already have that form, I sent all the papers back.  If you have some of the docs you obviously have all of them.  Well we still need your social.  I say fine I’ll tell it to you.  No he can’t take it over the phone due to some privacy laws, please use the second copy you have and return it.  I just lost it.  I blew up at the poor guy.  I’m so glad to be working with _______ Bank, I feel so confident in your ability to help me save my house.  I’ll send you the fucking paper.  Next time you call with your mysterious messages call me at this number ___ ____!  And I hung up.  I filled out the stupid form again, and will mail it back.  I also enclosed a note asking them to please call me at home. But I have to leave the house to mail it.  It’s Fed Ex and I have to drive down to the local Kinkos to send it off.  Very convenient.

The endless paper work is draining me.  I’m continuously filling out forms and calling various federal and state agencies.  This stuff was routine work for me for years.  I just can’t seem able to handle it.  I’m falling to pieces for no stupid reason–just paperwork and red tape.  That’s why I lost it with the bank.

I stayed in bed because I couldn’t face Mom.  Bless her heart, but I dont want to go in there and have to make small talk about whether or not the dog took a crap, or that she talked to S2 and he said, blah blah blah.  If I was interested in what S2 had to say, I would talk to him myself.

Today I feel I’m a terrible person.  Self centered and off balance.  Totally self absorbed.  I don’t want to be close to any one any more.  I want to go away by myself with no one to take care of beside myself.  Not that I’m not taken care of, my family tries, but I’m impossible to please.  Instead of growing into a better person, I’m turning into some psycho. 

I know these feelings will pass, but for today I want to stay in bed and dream about Southern Spain. 


20 thoughts on “Some Days Just Suck

  1. i was actually in spain while i was in the army. when were you there? we all have days like this and all you can do is what you are doing. get what you can done and maybe ask for help with the running around.

    the situation with your mother sounds very difficult and we all sort revert to bratty behavior sometimes with our parents no matter how old we are. the roles are being reversed about now and that can be so hard for both sides to accept. they are used to being strong and in control, they become older and we have to step in and take care of things. not good for their ego and not good for our busy lives. we don’t even speak the same language anymore! everything is so different and scary for them.

    hoping you have a better day tomorrow.

    1. Thank you for your kind thoughts. It is tomorrow and so far it’s a better day. I knew I shouldn’t have called the bank yesterday, I was already very tense.

      Things with Mom here are much more difficult than I expected. What with S in his first life crisis, me in mine, and mom with her idiosyncrasies sometimes it’s a wonder I hold it together at all.

      When I get controlled by my hormones it feels like my body is betraying me. I get inside my own head so much, I won’t see how I am impacting others. To explain that to Mom is impossible. I told her my ms kept me in bed.

      Thanks so much for the support!

    2. I’ve never been to Spain. I’ve loved it since childhood when I started studied Spanish. I fell in love with Andalucia. Can I assume you were stationed in Rota? My Mom in law and her husband were stationed there in the 70s.

      1. i was actually stationed in germany but we went to train some of the spanish troops in new medical technology. we were done early so we had almost a week to stay on the costa del mar and visit barcelona. OMG we had the best time! the people were so friendly and of course the coast was amazing. my sister visited there in 2011 and she wanted to stay:)

    1. He does indeed. I appreciate the support greatly, and your good thoughts are helping me have a better day today. Thank you for taking time out of your busy lives to step into my world and lend a hand.

  2. Hey!
    As you know, our heart is very tender and cute.
    I am not asking you to skip your duties, but whenever you feel depressed and stressed, just close your eyes, put a hand on your heart and say, ‘Aaall izzz well’
    You will feel better. Try it 🙂

    1. My husband likes to tell me a similar thing; EGBOK, which stands for “Everything is Going to Be OK” It helps. Sometimes. I am trying more meditation and more exercise to help improve my mood. Thanks for the comment.

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