Big Sigh

It has been tough here the last week.  I fell into one of my deepest depressions, only for a few days, but I haven’t been that down in years.  Gut wrenching despair enveloped me.  Concern about my son and his deepening depression, adjusting to Mom being here, handling the paperwork for R’s death, looming foreclosure, and just overall disgust and hatred of myself on a whole new level.

I was feeling pretty good…until just now.  Son has totally lost it.  His ex is demanding she get grandson for a few years (end of highschool).  Aaaagh.  will it never end?

15 thoughts on “Big Sigh

  1. I’m so sorry you’re feeling so down. Watching our children suffer has to be the greatest source of angst…The Serenity Prayer always helps me during these episodes. Hang in there…this will pass.

      1. I feel for you. I often wish the same thing. I think it’s a common wish. Lately, as I grieve so deeply for my mom, I ask God for patient endurance. I will pray for you, too.

      2. I meditate each night for peace, patience and acceptance. It helps me sleep, but I tend not to believe it when I wake. It’s a process.

        That is part of my son’s difficulty is that right now he feels surrounded by death. He just has to learn how to process it, like everyone.

        I’m so sorry about your mother. That is a very hard one, especially if you were very close. I send thoughts of patience and acceptance with you in mind.

      3. Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate them…your son is fortunate to have a parent who values the process. Blessings to your entire family.

  2. *sigh* The continual ebb and flow of “good news/bad news” — it DOES wear us down. Even professional jugglers can hardly manage as many balls as the number of family crises you handle routinely. ((thin smile)) I rejoice that you have come out the other end of the dark tunnel of depression. That just has to be a good sign. You’re doing all that can be done, though that may be scant consolation.

    Please make time for yourself every day. Watching funny videos on YouTube is an incredible way to shed your cares at least for a little while. They are no magic bullet or cure for all your complex problems but taking a timeout to laugh awhile puts things in perspective. And always…ALWAYS be good to YOU!

    Warmest Affection and More,


    1. Fabulous advice I will endeavor to live by. I have a lot of trouble doing things just for me. I think it’s hardwired into women’s psyches. Today is going MUCH better, in fact it’s shaping up to be one of my better days. I feel good, son feels good, grandma is happy and the weather terrific.

      Thanks always for your wonderful support. You’re like the sister I never had. 🙂

  3. And yet you get through, you survive and continue to be strong, you care for your loved ones, you struggle, you fall, you get up again – over and over. Oh how I wish I could send you a big box of laughter. xxx

    1. Yes, I definitely need more laughter in my life. Maybe I’ll do what Randa suggested and watch YouTube this afternoon instead of looking for a job. 🙂

      Thank you for taking time out of your day to drop me a note. I appreciate it so much. 🙂

  4. maybe i am missing something, you say that son does not work and has some other rather serious issues. as a mother would you want the custody of your son if the father had the same circumstances? i don’t mean this to judge your son, just maybe it is a good time for her to take on more responsibility? sounds like your husband is a good mediator:)

    1. The difference being son lives with us and so has our help, whereas his ex has her boyfriend, and an insane family. It is nice that she wants to be more involved, the thing is the schools where we live are very good, with 20 students per classroom; versus schools in her area with 32 students and a problem with gangs.

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