Do You Ever Dislike Your Family?

I’ve decided I am in an Identity Crisis.  In reviewing my life I find I was not as kind, not as forgiving, or even loving as I thought I was.  There are so many flaws I see in my person that I wonder why my family puts up with me.  I understand better why I don’t have friends.  Ever since I realized I was a gossip, I have been beating myself up over things I said or did in stupidity or selfishness.  Then comes the realization that I am NOT disabled as I thought and felt.  It was a real eyeopener to read the medical reports on me.  I wouldn’t give me disability either based on those.  I feel like a fraud, when I never intended any wrong. 

I know, leave the past in the past, move on. accept what I’ve realized and then make honest efforts to change.  I try to stay in the moment, in today, but there are times I just can’t.  I feel like an alcoholic who’s just gone sober and sees the havoc and pain he caused. 

In the meantime, my family stays the same.  I am ashamed to admit there are times that I am truly, heartily disappointed in my family, my son, my grandson.  Of course, being female I blame myself.  What did I do wrong?  Was it like this for my parents?  Did my mom look at her brood one birthday and ask herself, “What the hell happened to MY life?”  I wonder who these people are.  They lie and they are terrible know-it-alls.  They talk over each other trying to convince the other they are correct.  It seems like everything is an argument.  I can’t take it any more!

They’re always yelling.  I realized yesterday that we are the noisiest family in the neighborhood.  They yell from the kitchen to the bedrooms and back.  They call for each other from outside the house when the others are inside the house.  I HATE IT!

I’m having a lot of trouble trying to reconcile how I feel now.  Are there major changes I have to make to have peace in my life?  I don’t really want to leave my family, but sometimes it seems like that’s the only option.  I thought I was past this depression, but I guess I was wrong.

12 thoughts on “Do You Ever Dislike Your Family?

  1. I think that when we start to look into ourselves, we are bound to be disappointed. All we can do is work to change those things. And hope that when we succeed, that it affects those around us or that we have acquired the patience of a saint, otherwise we would surely strangle them 🙂

  2. I remember when our home was at times so chaotic and it seemed like all I was…was a referee…explaining what each person was upset about,,,and trying to get them to understand . Regarding your feeling about yourself, you’re taking one what other people either said or determined with regard to not considering you disabled …Words on paper decided by several unassociated doctors etc. don’t give the true story.

    I don’t blame you for wanting to ‘run away from home’. I think you should write down all the things in the home that are disturbing to you and affecting you to a great degree. Then I think you should call a meeting…and all must attend if they want any more help from you in that home! Take that list and ask what any of them disagree with and why. and then ask them what they are going to do about alleviating some of the chaos. And then the consequence has to be determined if they don’t end up changing or helping or even trying . AND I might add apologize .

    Humble them a little. I remember once writing a letter to my children telling them how bothered and troubled I was by the bickering etc. I did admit that I too had faults and would work on them. Actually they did write me back and apologized and said they would try harder….They were youn

    It might seem a little far off but I think they have got to be made aware of what is going on and what YOU are dealing with….not in the heat of the matter …but after it’s cooled down .

    Just some thoughts because I know that you cannot remain under that kind of atmosphere and stress !…Diane

    1. If I had the money and somewhere to go, it would be great. Unfortunately, I don’t have either. Normally I escape to my room and dream of Spain. I’m really a terrible chicken when it comes to asking for anything for myself. Got myself in my own Catch 22. I may ask husband about getting away for awhile. Maybe the two of us. Worth a try–either that or I go bonkers and get myself committed.

  3. you are not the only one who feels this way trust me! i waited as long as possible before introducing my boyfriend, who became my husband, to my family. my sister had a boyfriend for around 5 yrs before he met our mother.
    i have a couple of suggestions, first if possible video when the house is “out of control” or when other things are going on that upset you. see if you confront someone with complaints they often say that is not the way it is and you are just too sensitive. if it is on video there is no arguing. the other is take the items that upset you the most and find a way to change your behavior so they have to change theirs. if the yelling bothers you when someone yells for you don’t answer. when they come to see “if you heard them” say yes and you just wanted to have a face to face with them rather than yelling. if they have to come to you a few times they will start to just come to you without the yelling. behavior modification can be very successful.

    i have to agree with others though that you desperately need a break. even if it is camping, just go. don’t make alot of excuses why you can’t. you can and you need to.

    1. Thanks for the great support. I don’t have a a video recorder, but I do have a tape recorder. Based on past history, the problem is I don’t see my family making any adjustments or admissions, since none of them have ever admitted to being wrong. Really. Never.

      For the moment I am taking the chicken’s way out and continue to hide in my room. The rest of my family can make out of that what they will. I figure maybe if I stop participating in the insanity it will stop. I talked with H about the situation and while I think he understands my frustration, I think he thinks I’m over sensitive.

      Thank the universe for anti-depressants.

  4. I think withdrawing from the situation will eventually get noticed. Then when you are asked why you can make your point. Don’t respond to yelling only when they talk to you in a respectful manner.
    You could also try writing them a letter, I did that with my kids a couple of years ago when I was at the end of my tether. It wasn’t a magic solution but it did give them more understanding and things did improve a little.

    1. The pessimist in me keeps saying withdrawal is the only choice, but I am trying to open myself to new ideas. Perhaps a letter would work. I’ll have to give a lot of thought to that. Thanks for the suggestion.

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