Catching My Breath

Things have settled down pretty well now.  I think the increase in my ADs and son’s is really key.  Though I still am having a lot of trouble with GS and his attitude.  He’s nine, but he acts like a 14yr some of the time: unruly, obstreperous, rude.  Typical teenage stuff.  Then there are the many times he acts like a young child, talking in baby talk, or not being quiet when asked or demanded.  In fact, if you ask him to be quiet because you are watching something on TV, he will continue talking, and probably get up and stand between you and the TV.  I am done dealing with that.  If he starts getting smart, I leave the room.  I’ve been in my room a lot lately.

Son received his online drugs yesterday.  He told me that he through everything out (somewhere near $300 worth).  Then late last night he admitted he couldn’t throw everything out.  He has been so much better yesterday and today, because he is taking this drug.  II told him I’m OK with it, but he’d best keep it under control.  I truly hope he can.  At this point I don’t really care what he’s taking because it seems to really help him with mood and the chronic pain.  Though I am also very worried, because I don’t know what’s in the stuff or how it might hurt him.

Still getting used to Mom being here.  It’s getting a little better, but then she has been spending a lot of time in her room.  Mainly to give S some room and an opportunity to watch something other than NCIS reruns.  I have been trying to get her out every couple days, and that seems to be improving her attitude.  She is no longer depressed (at least visibly) over R’s death, while S is still trying to come to grips with it.  How can she be so accepting?  Without H I’d be lost.  No one to call when I needed help.  No one to keep me warm at night.  But she and R had a peculiar relationship it would appear by the amount of pornography we found when cleaning up their apartment. 

Mom will not answer the phone and it drives me nuts.  She’lll have it in her hand in the living room, but she’ll bring it to me in the kitchen (where I am busy).  Argh!  I know it comes from her marriage.  R never answered the phone and so apparently she didn’t either.  It always rolled over to voicemail.  I don’t understand why he did it.  He said at one time it was to prevent being called in to work on a day off (he was manager of a Radio Shack at the time).  I guess it became ingrained habit even after he retired.  I find it weird and annoying, as a great many of the phone calls we now receive are for her.

She continues to be odd about her mail as well.  She loves to go to the box to get it and has to sort through it as she walks back to the house.  Then she takes her mail into her room and shuts the door.  Sometimes she brings something to me or S if she has a question.  She also refuses to fix herself anything to eat.  If someone doesn’t make her breakfast, she won’t eat it.  If no one prepares her lunch, she may finally get up and find some crackers to nibble on.  She has always liked being catered to, but I never thought is was all the time.

I’m convinced she has always been this way and none of these habits have come to her as she aged.  I can recall many many times when we all got together, she never had anything to say unless someone said it first.  If I say dinner was good, she will immediately parrot me.  If I mention it is cool outside (even if it’s rather warm) she will agree with me.  I have never met anyone quite like her. 

Mom doesn’t seem to have really much of a personality and I wonder about her upbringing.  She was born in 1929 and for the earliest years her family was itinerant farm laborers.  It looks like it was for a bout 4-5 years.  I imagine living like that does something to some people.  Even though she was a toddler, I’m sure she became aware very young that her family was dirt poor.  Eventually her father became a machinist, and presumably things improved.

Mom talks very little about her life before R.  Maybe she just doesn’t remember that far back.  It seems she has one or two memories of her childhood, at least I’ve only heard one or two stories.  I guess she doesn’t want to talk about it.  Maybe she wants to forget her first marriage to my husband’s father.  I know their relationship was rocky at times, but they were dirt poor then.  Many times Husband would come home from school to find nothing to eat but mac and cheese, no toilet paper, and the power was cut off.

Of course, I don’t talk much about my family either.  I have few pleasant memories.  For me it seemed my life started when I married H. But Mom was 40 when Husband’s dad died of cancer.  She remarried a year almost to the day of her first husband’s death.  That has always rankled husband.

Asked my neuro to release me from disability so I can start collecting unemployment as I look for a job.  As soon as I receive it I can apply for benefits.  I sent my resume in response to about 15 jobs.  I’ve got my fingers seriously crossed!

I think I’m ready for the next catastrophe (which may start tonight if H does have an abscessed tooth as he fears).  Luckily, he is usually wrong when he thinks he has some ailment, so I’m hopeful he proves wrong again.  He is going to see our GP to check if the tooth or gum is inflamed or infected and possibly get some antibiotics.  He has terrible teeth (and very few are left) and we have had poor dental coverage for more than 20 years.  He won’t go to the dentist because of the cost.  I don’t want to have to listen to him moan in pain when it could be alleviated with a trip to the dentist, albeit an expensive trip to the dentist.

I was going to post today on how beautiful our weather has been lately.  Although the weathermen keep predicting rain, fog and cool temps, for the most part we are above average in temp and below average in rain.  We have had enough recent rain to at least get the wildflowers blooming.  Tomorrow I hope to share some photos of our wildflowers.  That is, unless some new disaster strikes.

9 thoughts on “Catching My Breath

  1. It sounds as though there are still quite a few issues for you to be dealing with. Your mother really sounds like she is deteriorating cognitively…Has she seen a doctor recently or would this just be another battle? I know when my Mother had the aneurysm and then the brain surgery…her personality really changed and it was so hard to maintain peace between my kids and her. Don’t get me wrong they loved her and she them but her behaviour became somewhat like you’re describing of your Mom… In her case it was of course because of the surgery and then the scar tissue increasing each year more and more.

    But it has got to be stressful trying to keep your cool….I worry about the meds S. is taking though because he was at first trying to say he wasn’t taking them and you’re not sure what they are. What happened to the rx he was given by the doctor. Is it the cost?

    I hope this UI does come through or you get one of the jobs you applied for. Hope they’re ones you want! But I guess right now you wouldn’t probably be too I know you really want something.

    Does S. not try to discipline GS? I think I remember you saying he had ADD or similar and S. doesn’t want to medicate him. For his son’s sake I really think he should but again there is the medical cost I would suppose. Does S. not qualify for social assistance which would it not then cover some medical?

    I’m asking a lot of questions aren’t I? Sorry ….don’t mean to be too personal.

    You don’t need to answer all these queries….I guess I’m just thinking out loud…

    I just wish you had more support ….I am really concerned about you….Anyway, I’ve written another post I think to your post…lol….take care Diane xoxo

    1. I’ve been thinking back over the last 30+ years and I’ve realized she has always been this way. I cannot remember anything original she has ever said. She just is incapable or afraid of voicing a new thought. I don’t mean to criticize her either, but just making general observations.

      Yes GS has pretty bad ADD. And I think he also has a mental problem making him querulous. He is also a compulsive liar. Maybe this is common with ADD, I don’t have that much experience with it, other than my nephew, who I haven’t seen in 15 years. But he had ADD and was also a compulsive liar. It’s not that S doesn’t discipline GS, he does, but it just seems to make no real impact on his overall behavior.

      Son has been recommended for a free clinic, but it’s a psychiatric clinic with group therapy, and he doesn’t want anything to do with either. I’m about ready to tell him he has to or move out. But I’m not that strong.

      Thanks for your questions, it helps me put things in perspective sometimes to be questioned.

      Thanks also for your unwavering support.


      1. My granddaughter had some ? ADHD when she was younger and yes she did lie also….He would surely benefit with some meds…before he gets any older I think…

        And I think you’re right about S. going to the group therapy (whether he thinks it’s good or not..something has to change..right?) Maybe you could just tell him THAT…something HAS to change for YOUR sake..Anyway as per my usual hope…take care of yourself…Diane

  2. I hope that you do manage to get one of the jobs you have applied for, just getting out of the house and being with other people will help you mentally giving you more stamina for dealing with your home life.

  3. Thinking of you and hoping things get better. Finally had some sunshine here today and it’s lifted my mood. I spend a lot of time in my room, too. It’s a survival technique — nothing wrong with that. 🙂

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