Son has come to me serveral times in the last couple of days to tell me of his increased drug use. He was home alone all day yesterday and spent the vast majority of it just sitting on the couch, high. He tells me he hates that. He hates that he hurts, and he hates that he’s depressed/bipolar, he hates that he is alone, he hates needing to take the drugs just to feel better, except for the problem that they wear off faster and faster and he has to take more and more.
He says he’s ready for treatment. Psychiatric assessment, and properly monitored drugs. I think he really needs an inpatient program for a few months, but I know we can’t afford that. Though I don’t have any idea what these places charge and my assumption is, if I have to ask the price, I can’t afford it.
We have been recommended to The Edelman Clinic here in LA. I think it is a free or low cost clinic, run by the government, but also affiliated with UCLA, which makes me more comfortable with the level of care they give. Son and I will check it out more tomorrow–they are only open 9am-5pm Monday through Friday. But I can’t find any information on the cost of care there either.
I think a lot of my current problems have to do with Son’s growing addiction. I don’t know how to make him get the help he says he wants. It has to be a good program, or he won’t use it. Unless we make it a condition of his living with us. I don’t want to make threats, especially threats I may not be able to follow up on.
At least I had a couple days of rest. I’ll be going into hormonal overdrive for the next few days, so we’ll see how it goes. I have moved my computer to my bedroom, and will continue to give Son more space. And meditate on recovery and acceptance.