So, Son has admitted to a drug problem and is quitting–cold turkey. This could be really hard for him depending on how long he had been using. He’s been sleepless for several nights, sweating, chilled, vomiting, nauseous, irritable, moody, angry, and just a delight to be around. Husband and I are doing our best with him. He had been denying that his current state of constant vomiting was related to his drug use, but I talked with him today. I’ve done my research on withdrawals, and withdrawal cold turkey from the drugs he was taking can be very difficult.
Haven’t convinced him that he should be in a detox clinic. He wants to do this on his own. He did it before and can do it again. If so, I’m hoping this time it will be permanent. I see now how not being completely drug-free has been adding to his growing problem. When I asked him how long he had been on “benzos” as they are referred to, he said he didn’t know, but probably too long. I let him know that he could continue to feel this ill for several more days, depending on his usage. I hope at least he gets a few days break from the vomiting. He can take an OTC pain reliever for his aches, but should not take anything else.
Of course, he has been depressed. Very badly depressed and I am so happy he found a free clinic where he can talk to a psychologist. I just have to hope he feels it is beneficial and continues to see the doc.
Now that I know where this free clinic is, and how (relatively) nice the offices are, I’d like to encourage Son to take his son with him. Maybe they can work out their problems together. We have got to get grandson on track before he hits 5th grade. His grades are low, he doesn’t try, I think he’s mildly dyslexic, and may even have the math form of dyslexia (forget what it’s called, but it exists). He is certainly unhappy a good share of the time, very disruptive, disobedient, ornery, and just plain contrary.Grandson spent the last week with his Mom and his cousin D. D comes from an extremely dysfunctional family. His oldest brother lives with their mom–he’s just been released from Juvenile Detention, the other brother lives with their step-dad. And now D has come to live permanently with his aunt (Son’s Ex). All of these boys have bad attitudes, where they know everything and disobey constantly, and do poorly in school. I think one at least has ADD, and D, who is close to my Grandson has problems due to his homosexuality. Although he is only 11(?), we’re pretty sure he is gay, but I don’t know where he is at with it, if he’s fully aware, confused, frightened or what, but he’s definitely got some issues. For him to be living at Ex’s life is going to get even tougher. The past week with both kids Ex has been going crazy, there’s lots of fighting, and endless arguments (just like when GS is here). I had a great phone interview this past week and should receive a call to schedule an in-person interview, but have not heard back. The employer certainly led me to believe I’d be called. I’m hoping to get the call next week. Though being home right now as Son detoxes it’s probably just as well I’m not working. Oh dear, GS is home from his mom’s and the voices have already been raised, arguments just seem to flow from this kid. At least he has a ball game to go to. Currently I cannot stand to talk with him. Everything is an argument, or he interrupts. Maybe some physical exercise will help calm him down. If he would just shut up and listen to people, everyone would be better off. I just hope I can hold it together. Still think about leaving the family. My life would be emptier, but easier. Is it what I want? I don’t think so. Would it be good for me? Maybe. I know suicide or just disappearing would devastate all of them and give Son tacit permission to do the same. I’m still hiding in my room. I feel a bit more sane, but anxious about next week. Son detoxing, grandson returning to school after ten days off, and Mom hovering–why can’t I handle it? I used to think I was so strong, getting through husband’s affair of two years and being diagnosed with MS. I thought I could handle anything. Apparently I was wrong. I hate it that I keep finding things out about myself that I don’t like. I’ve been working on turning 50 for about 5 years now. You’d think I’d’ve gotten to acceptance by now. I find I’m still working on liking myself. Have’nt gotten to loving myself as yet. Maybe I’ll get there by the time I’m 60.