I Knew It!


We’d been having a good run lately.  No screaming, no doors slamming.  Until last night, or rather early this morning.  GS woke us up at 2 AM because he said his dad was acting funny.  We avoided a huge scene.  But Husband really harshed Son’s mellow.

I almost wouldn’t care if he would do this once in a while, if he’d just wait until he was alone.  I’ve never known of a drug that when you take it you just keep asking what’s wrong and won’t stop stumbling about.  At this point I know I can do very little to change him.  But I don’t want to see him when he’s like this.  When I confronted him that I thought what he was doing was irresponsible, and he’s response was, “Well, yeah, that’s what drugs are for.”

My mellow has certainly been harshed.  My energy is low today, and not just because I’m tired.  I had to force myself to take my usual walk.  So far I haven’t broken down and cried.

Right now Son is in my room justifying his actions by saying it’s the only fun thing in his life.  He goes nowhere, sees no one, has no friends, sleeps on his parents living room floor.   It’s his release.  Something he’s done for 20 years and has nothing else left.  He’s got no way to get on his feet.  And really, in many ways he is right.  Except there is always a way–he just hasn’t found it yet.

I hate the feeling of helplessness.  Helpless to help someone.  Helpless to change things.  It’s almost depression.  I’m trying to stay positive–thank goodness for (legal) drugs.  I just dread when Husband comes home.  I think I will try to get them to go somewhere to talk.  Someplace public, to keep them more civil.  But I expect the yelling will start shortly after dinner.  I think I will plan to take GS to the movies.  Is that chicken of me?

4 thoughts on “I Knew It!

  1. your son has plenty of choices and he has chosen to live this way. if he really hated it he would do something to get out of it. lot’s of people would love to have a free ride like he seems to. people that through no fault of their own are homeless. you know that you have enabled him for your own reasons.

    far from being chicken, i think taking gs to the movie so he doesn’t have to witness this is a great idea. this will give you both a well deserved break!

    i am so sorry that you are going through this and hope you find a way out soon..

  2. Ugh. I’m so sorry. I think taking GS to the movies is a great idea — absolutely NOT chicken, but observant and smart. A change of scenery will be good for you both. Lots of love and good vibes to you.

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