Despite a rocky Friday night enduring stoney silence, things are going all right.  Though S and H haven’t talked about Thursday, but they are talking.  Son’s birthday is next week, so today we bought him a new stereo for his car.  He hasn’t had a working stereo for a long time, which lead him to use my car for long rides (you can’t drive in LA without music).  Now he can take his own.  Well worth the investment.  It puts the burden of gas and maintenance back on him.

I honestly don’t know what we did wrong raising S.  Maybe we were too lax.  S recently told me about his many difficulties at school that I never knew about.  And I was active in his education.  I volunteered time to his classes, called teachers after hours, pissed off some of them.  Yet there was bullying to be endured, horrible daily threats that the bully made about killing him, killing his family.  He was about 11 I think he said.  He never told either me or his dad about it.  No wonder I never knew about how early his drug years began.  By the time he gave them up at 25, he’d been using for almost 15 yrs.  And I never knew.

I feel pretty stupid about that.  How could I not know?  Well S never informed me, but I never sensed something going on?  I never noticed some evidence of the bullying and difficulties at school.  I was pretty quick to condemn the parents of the Columbine shooters.  How could they not know their kids were this troubled?  Now I understand it.  How well kids learn to cope with difficulties, how quickly they learn to hide.  I’ll never understand that.

Husband and I didn’t make it to the beach today (cold and foggy there), but we had breakfast out together before we bought Son’s gift.  Now I think we’re going to take a nap together.  Then we plan to order pizza and watch a movie together, with Son.


7 thoughts on “Surprise!

  1. Hi…Long time… I’ve been catching up on all your posts since I’ve been off… While it looks like there’s been some ‘enlightenment’ about S. and H It looks like you still need to know some things will work out… Like your house etc. And I know the ‘reality’ program you watched probably gave you some reference as to the fact you are the ‘mainstay’ in your family. But glad to hear that you do get out for walks etc. Did you manage to get on unemployment benefits? Hoping so as I’m sure it would make it a little less difficult for you.

    Anyway know that I’m thinking of you .. Diane

    1. I was just preparing an email to you. I haven’t been online for a couple days, and have to do some serious catch-up reading. Good to hear from you.

      I’ve finally started to receive unemployment. Some bills will be late this month, but I think we will recover all but the house. I’m thinking about bankruptcy.

      1. A friend of mine had to declare last year…as her house declined in value to where it wasn’t worth what she owed and had to try to get a new mortgage and couldn’t. Even though it wrecks her credit for a few years… she is relieved in a way as she was struggling so much about it…. But your case is totally different… Whatever you decide I hope you find a peace….Diane

      2. Just spoke with the bank. They again said I needed to provide them with another document, that I sent to them last month! Luckily the woman I’m dealing with found the document, and will send my paperwork back. It’s so frustrating. I’m looking for somewhere affordable to rent in this area, but so far no luck.

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