Things are going very well. Of course, I’ve only been home two days, but so far all is well. The family seems to be picking up the slack and taking some of the every day burdens off my shoulders. I hope they can keep it up. I am optimistic for the first time in several months. I didn’t even know I was that close to suicide. It was a wake up call for me too, to take better care of myself, and articulate what I need from my family.
Son is aware of his bad habit of talking over people and said he is trying to work on that. I just need to find a way to get him to focus on the conversation, not on so much on what he’s saying. I’ve tried to explain to him that my anger toward him stemmed from my frustration with his drug use and even more on his manner of never letting me speak. All I wanted from him was for him to hear me. Something that I think he will benefit from as well.
Husband is trying very hard with his speech as well. I’ve asked him not to use words like “should” and “need” and make more gentle requests for me to do certain things. He is trying, but it is difficult for him to understand the nuance of his chosen wording. I will keep trying to train him. It’s true; it really is hard to teach an old dog new tricks!
I’ve done one major thing in creating a daily schedule, and so far are sticking to it pretty well. Of course, I will have to make changes and adjustments as I go along, and some days my schedule won’t work at all, but right now it keeps me focused and very busy. I make myself turn off the computer and only allow myself a couple of hours per day on it. That’s the hardest thing; getting off the computer. There’s so much information out there–political causes to get involved in, blogs to read and blogs to write, friends to stay in touch with. Still, to limit myself is not a bad thing. I just have to focus more on just a few things, instead of taking in so much.
I’ve taken the first step to certifying my Chihuahua as a Pet Therapy Dog. I’m not really sure what’s all involved because all the sites I’ve gone to have links to PDFs created by Zeon Corp. and every time I try to open them my system crashes, so I’ve emailed a couple of sites and asked them to snail mail me the info and forms.
The main thing with a therapy dog, is temperament. I know Lizzie has a great temperament, but she is not particularly obedient. I have one of Cesar Milan’s training books and will start reading it again and see if I can’t gain better control. His biggest thing is taking the dog for a walk. Never let the dog lead, it should always be behind, or next to you. You walk him the Cesar Milan way and everything else (go, come, quiet) falls more easily into place. I’m going to get on his site as well to see if he has special hints for trying to train the notoriously untrainable Chihuahua. It is a serious undertaking, but right now I think I am up to the challenge.
I have the phone numbers of two of the women I was friendly with in the hospital. One of them also went home this past Friday, the other should be going home tomorrow. I’m not sure if I should call right away to see how they are handling being back home, or if I should wait a couple of weeks to give them time to adjust. I think it might be good for them to hear from someone sooner than later, but they also have my number and neither has called me yet. I don’t want to push myself on anyone, but I know all three of us had virtually no support. One woman D, had absolutely no one, and I’d really like to be there for her. So many questions come up though: will they stay sober? what should I do if they don’t? I suppose I will go with my instincts, which is for now to wait. I may call both of them this weekend. It would be nice to think I had two more friends out there, even if they both live hours away from me.
So, thank you universe for allowing me to live, and to come out of the hospital smiling and laughing, even singing! Things we take for granted and lose slowly so it’s hard to remember the last time you were happy.
It’s only been two days, but I exercised both mornings–only 20 minutes, but it’s a start. I am also continuing my walks with Lizzie. Two a day, leaving my total walking time at least an hour a day, and sometimes one and a half hours. Struggling with the no sweets still, but I am definitely better about it. I keep lots of fresh fruit around and have found I don’t miss the candy bars quite so much.
I also try to remember: It’s not the destination, but the journey. I am hoping to continue enjoying the trip.