Sorry and Other Stuff

Sorry – I apologize to you, my devoted readers, for all the whiny posts of late.  I will try to get a grip on myself and my self esteem and stop letting others take advantage of my kindness.  The worst culprits being my spouse and son.  Therapy will help, but I need to stop concentrating on the negatives or I will end up back where I started the month!

With that in mind, here are some thoughts I’ve had lately:

Censorship – I hate censorship, as any artist does.  I may think your stuff is garbage, but to others it’s brilliant.  To each their own and all that.  The Religious Right likes to try to censor us for their own reasons.  Why is it if someone doesn’t like what someone says or paints or sculpts, they don’t stop reading me, or looking, or buying?  Why should I have the power to deprive someone else of whatever gives them pleasure or happiness.  Maybe that particular thing wouldn’t bring me happiness, but who am I to stop their enjoyment of their particular brand of entertainment.  Personally I dislike hard porn.  Out of curiosity (really!) I looked at some porn sites and could not believe what I saw.  I guess I’m getting prudish in my old age, but holy shit Batman, that stuff is seriously disturbing to me.  But again, who am I to try to stop its being published.  To what end?  Perhaps this hard core stuff keeps some borderline rapist off the streets because he can get his jollies looking at porn online.  I say let him continue to do so.

Vocabulary – I recently came across an interesting post regarding vocabulary.  I am a huge word nerd and love etymology.  In another life I would have pursued a degree in languages. I even read the book, “Reading the OED.”  I used to read the dictionary as a child.  I love the history tied to words and phrases.  I always need to know where a particular word comes from.  Why does “black” mean so many things?  How did language change over the years? Unfortunately my memory problems have made me lose many of my words.  Sometimes the ones I retain are the longer, more obscure words, and that tickles my husband.  “‘Surreptitiously’?  Really?  You can’t just say ‘Sneaky'”?  I won’t even go into how I have forgotten how to spell even the most mundane words (like surreptitiously).

And what about peoples’ names?  In doing my genealogy research, I find families with identical names, living in the same towns, but completely unrelated (at least not closely related).  For example, My grandmother was Esther Nehls, her husband was Arthur, they had 7 children.  There is another family in the same town both a Mr. Arthur and Mrs. Esther Nehls, with 7 children–5 of whom have the same names.  Weren’t people creative enough to come up with new names?  Why is it customary to name the first born child after the father.  And the Prussians, they gave their children 4 and 5 names, each the name of an ancestor (though not always).  For example one of my distant relatives is named Johan Frederick Wilhelm Voight.  His brother is called Frederick Johan Wilhelm, and of course, there is Wilhelm Franz Frederik.  At any given time you can find them in the censuses under any of the three names!  I won’t even go into the Nordic naming system.  Talk about confusing!  It’s much easier with the English side of the family, even with a lot of I, II and III and even IV at the ends of their names, they generally continue to use just one name throughout their lives.  I wonder why it is so different from one country to the next.

Life – Why is it so hard for some of us?  Why do some people suffer horrific ordeals (kidnapping and sex slaves, for example)?  I suppose it is their karma.  But I wonder anyway.  Perhaps it’s a question for my guru.  And yet, we keep going on (most of us) despite the horror and pain.  Sometimes I wonder at the strength of the human spirit.  Perhaps because I have for many years considered suicide as a logical ending for my life, and other people just don’t have that in them? Do I lack the strength of will to survive anything worse that may come my way?

Wonder – Wonder is a wonderful thing, I think.  It makes us think and makes us pause.  We all need to wonder more: about the earth, the world, the various different people, people’s life choices, and the living with the non-choices.  Perhaps if we wonder why gays exist we can understand why?  I understand that Gays exist because straight people have children, so I don’t wonder about that so much any more.  If people begin to wonder why there are so many more shark sightings near the beaches, maybe they will realize the truth about Global Warming regardless if it’s man created, or the natural scheme of things.

Writer’s Block – Do I really have writer’s block?  I think I do because I can’t seem to write fiction any more.  I’ve sat down and tried and find it very hard.  Seven years ago I had one novel I was writing, another in revisions, and a third being researched.  I also wrote many short stories in that time, and started my single person play.  I can write in my journal, I can blog, I can even do a bit of Haiku, so do I really have writer’s block, or have my tastes and interests just changed?

I’d love to include some photos as it makes for a nice visual break and makes my blog look less like an essay, but I’m afraid if I do, the whole thing will disappear.  I may try photos again tomorrow, just to test the waters.

That’s enough blathering for now.  I hope all of you have a wonderful day.  I will certainly have a wonderful afternoon, even if my morning was upsetting.


10 thoughts on “Sorry and Other Stuff

  1. sharing how you feel is not whining. it is your blog and you need to do what makes you feel good. i do hope that therapy will and give you some of the support you need.

    i find you interesting and let me just say at this point i have had to decide what few blogs to follow and comment on. i life that you share not only what is going on in your life but also your view on current events. i find myself identifying with your attitudes.

    i will continue to wish you peace of heart and send hugs your way.

    1. 🙂 thank you. It makes me feel better to know I’m not whining. I can’t wait to go to my next appointment with my therapist. I think taking the Tai Chi and Zumba classes will also get me physically active and sooth my mind a bit more. The three (along with anti depressants) I think are a great combination of therapy.

      And thank you for finding me interesting. I like that.

      As always sending you thoughts of peace and thankfulness.


  2. No whining at all, not in the least. Being authentic and vulnerable are an absolute must … If I may say so myself? 🙂 Be inspired and please take care this evening!

    1. Thank you. It’s very hard to see my “complaints” as other than whining or complaining. It’s proving very hard indeed to unlearn some childhood teachings.

      Thoughts of kindness and beauty to you.

  3. If you consider yourself whining…then I am in your company because I write what I feel as well…good ..bad…and ugly… but that’s how we express ourselves I guess.. BTW another blogger had problems with the photo thing but maybe it was just a ‘fluke’ but just in case….save in draft…and copy your whole blog ..before adding the pictures and then if it does disappear and you can check your draft revisions and if not there you can just ‘paste’ your post back…. ? Diane

    1. Thanks. It’s hard not to think of ourselves as whining, when really we are just trying to understand and/or change things.

      As for the photo thing, that seems to have been resolved. Unfortunately, my Like button still hardly works, and can’t use the balloon icon to see comments, but as long as I can access them I’m a happy camper.

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