I just found out I cannot appeal the latest decision by disability to dismiss my case without looking at my additional medical conditions. Stupid me, I should’ve tried suicide a year ago, then maybe I could’ve claimed depression and MS. I just didn’t think it was necessary to list absolutely every tiny issue.
Now I’m screwed. Well, no more screwed than I was two months ago, but still, it’s disappointing. Especially since no jobs are on the horizon–unless I know bookkeeping, sales, or marketing, which I don’t. But I have decided I will not drive longer than 25-30 minutes. My last commute was 1.5 hours each way. It was killing me, or would, because there were times I almost nodded off. Then I’d get home eat and fall into bed by 7PM. Never feeling rested, sleep deprived even.
But that’s all past, I’m moving forward, if I lose the house, I lose it. If we have to file bankruptcy, I’ve made my peace with it. I want a much more simple life. Less complicated, less stuff, less work and more Life. Losing everything will make that easy. My only concern is securing housing without any credit. I doubt there are too many apartments will let you move in without a credit card these days. Or rent a moving van. So it’s hard no to be concerned.
I’ve started talking to husband about living in the city of Seattle, not way out in the boonies 20 miles from the nearest little tourist town. I’ve never lived in the city, and it has a certain appeal, especially as we get older. There comes a time when you have to give up driving. I wouldn’t mind giving up driving. I just feel that there would be more life I can get H and I involved in. Volunteering, getting more politically involved, hanging out in coffee houses and talking with the kids and the hippies. Learning to paint, doing stand up.
Husband would much rather withdraw from society, venturing into town only when absolutely necessary. He’d love a big garden and a greenhouse. Part of me would like this too, but then I think I’m still too ingrained as to want what H wants. That will be the ultimate test.
But I’m getting too far ahead. First I have to learn to meditate and live in today. Anyway, I’m trying to re-adjust.
Now I’m off to hide myself away and work on the routine I hope to put up on Youtube today.