Friday Fiasco

Wish I understood my husband better.  Just when you think you’ve got someone all figured out, he surprises you.  We’re trying to withdraw money from his 401K, so he called and they emailed us a form.  But it’s a secure email and I followed the instructions, only to be told the name and/or password were incorrect.  Of course I tried more than once and was promptly locked out.  I was rather frustrated in explaining to husband what had happened (the biggest frustration was not having the words to explain, which frustrate me even more).  Husband kept trying to go back to the beginning and have me sign in all over again.  I explained I already signed in, at least twice, and now was locked out of the email.  I explained he had no choice but to call the 401K people to have them reset the email, or better yet, put the fucking form in the mail.

Husband didn’t like the way I was snappish–snappish because he just expects that I will take care of all the fucking paperwork!  Anyway he got a little peeved so instead of us having lunch together, I went to take a nap.  He woke me up just a few minutes ago to help him.  Do what, he never did say.  But he handed me the phone where there was someone from the 401K on the line trying to help us get where we needed to go.  Except he was on the account on his Ipad, which I never used and have no clear idea how to get around.

Nevertheless, the rep got us where husband was trying to get (I think), because we found the form they want us to complete.  Now the problem is I can’t print from an Ipad!  I asked husband to come back into the room and help me do whatever it was he wanted, but all he did was whine about he’s just trying to do “this” and is just all confused.  I understand the confusion, but how can I be expected to understand the objective if he won’t explain what he was trying to accomplish, because I wasn’t dealing with an email.  I wasn’t the one who started this, and have no clear idea what I’m accomplishing so I’m a bit peeved myself.  After some yelling and some door slamming, with husband yelling basically it was his turn to be angry and why didn’t I just let him be. I swear he does this deliberately to “prove” he doesn’t have the knack to do legal paperwork, thereby making it my job.  In the end, the entire household was upset, including son and grandson.  Sometimes I so hate my life.

depression1I talked with my counselor yesterday about this sort of thing.  It seems to be the norm, Linda takes care of all paperwork: banking, investments, phone calls, emails, anything requiring a response from us, it is up to me to do.  Husband doesn’t see it as “doing everything” since to him what I take care of looks so easy, when it’s not.  I’m tired of being the only one trying to keep a grip on this family.

I sit and listen to son all day, talking, and he has the nerve to tell me “no one” listens to him.  He mostly talks about nothing, and  occasionally it’s something interesting, but he just goes on and on and on about a subject, even after I agree with him on it.  I never get to really tell him my opinion about whatever the topic is, since he never lets me talk.  Meanwhile, I’m trying to do my own thing on the computer and read and respond to blogs, or even do a post for my own.  Son apparently thinks all I do on the computers is play games or something.  When I’m not.  I’m always working on something; blogging, researching subjects for my blog, delving deeper into some of the many national problems we face today, forwarding politically inflammatory Facebook memes,  researching the Seattle/Tacoma area figuring out if this really might be a viable next step in my life.

seattle1I made the mistake of going into the kitchen.  All I ate today was a bowl of cereal, but the kitchen is filled with dirty dishes, in the sink, on the counter, disheveled counters and a stove stained by spills.  Apparently it’s up to me to clean up in there.  Why can’t anyone else do anything in this house?  I’m starting to think about joining a Buddhist monastery, anything to get me away from here.  Right now I am ready to pack a bag and leave–again.  In two weeks I planned to bring husband in to have a joint counseling session to explain how I feel so isolated and alone in nearly everything I do.  That I feel without me the entire family will just fall apart.  That is is just too much pressure, and apparently I can no longer deal with the stress.

It usually makes me feel better to day dream, so I think I’ll end for now and look at housing in Tacoma.  It seems every bit as great a town as Seattle, but smaller and just coming into its renaissance.

15 thoughts on “Friday Fiasco

  1. It seems that whenever you are trying to get things straightened out a bit something else causes a crisis…. Oh my…. I hope you can somehow get some moments of peace so that you know what you want to do …. thinking of you …take care Diane

    1. Diane,

      Thanks for taking time to comment. I know you’ve got a lot going on right now.

      It’s one of my bigger hurdles: not letting one minor event of the day ruin my entire day, or even week! Very hard to change. I put the incident behind me and moved on. The problem is the situation was never really resolved.

      Thanks for your unending support.

  2. Hey Linda,
    good plan with the pair counseling thing, not so good plan with the buddhist monastery. If it is only for escape, it won’t work I’m afraid. Try to get things working in your family with some pair and family therapy and if your family members refuse to really cooperate, you should make plans how to leave them alone for some time, maybe have a one month holiday somewhere distant they just can’t reach you easily. Remember to turn off your phone, then 🙂
    What do you think? In my opinion, if they don’t see what you do for them, you’ve got to show it to them and best way for doing this is simply going away and out of their life for some time.
    Have a great day, I think of you.
    P.S.: You might want to check out my “Remember Happiness Today” project – a question for every day:

    1. Thank you Chris for your kind support. Yes, I’m making arrangements to have a counseling session with my husband. I am getting better at asking for help, and husband is trying. Son, not so much, but maybe if he did move out things between husband and I would improve faster. I will check out your Happiness Today post. Thanks!

      1. well it will rather be experiencing the ICL conference in Russia with me 🙂 but already got to know to a young woman from Moscow who I will definitely visit some day in the next two years 😉

    1. In my head. lol. I’m really trying to learn to meditate, It’s as hard as they say, but I get tiny little glimpses of what it must be like. Perhaps, with a lot of practice, I’ll get good enough to teleport myself somewhere exotic with lots of handsome cabana boys. lol

  3. At first as I read your words I thought yes it is the same here. But things are changing and husband is trying to do things himself. The constant questions and calls for help are frustrating and I know it would be easier to do it myself. He focuses on the less important and can’t get his head around the urgent stuff.

    It is funny I told one of my sons a few days ago that I am joining a Buddhist retreat next week. I only said it to make him wake up and realise I was expecting more than one word answers in a conversation. He didn’t get it.

    I am glad you are able keep your sanity by thinking of good things. 🙂

    1. Thanks for your comments. Husband is trying and that’s big. He’s agreed to go to a joint counseling session to talk more about things. I’m seeing light at the end of the tunnel marriage-wise. That’s huge, but I’m not getting my hopes up too much.

      Glad things are going better with your husband lately. They tend to want to “fix” things rather than “do” things like dusting, or the shopping.

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