6 thoughts on “Autumn Haiku

  1. Very nice! Suggest omitting the word “Lazy” and the “twittering birds.” The haiku would then be less flowery and ornate. Always kill as many descriptive adjectives as you can. Here’s the result:

    dappled sunshine
    through trees of gold –
    indian summer nap

    Read both versions aloud and see which “sounds” more like the plain, unadorned language of haiku. The imagery is, I think, stronger and more effective without the sunshine being “lazy” and without those “twittering birds!” The revision is yours if you want it — completely free with a money-back guarantee! Again, a strong haiku, Linda. More!

    Hugs!!

    Ron

    1. Thank you for the suggestions. Your version is so much better, I see what you mean about the flowery language. I got hung up on the number of syllables and missed a little one this time. I appreciate the lesson.

      Love ya!

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s