Through my son’s search for his cousins, I have discovered three of my sisters ad one of my brothers on Facebook. The question is, do I contact them? None of them are on their pages regularly. Some haven’t even posted this year. If I did send a Friend Request, how long would I have to wait for a response? At what point would I stop thinking, ‘maybe I’ll hear today’. They look to be happy and relatively healthy and successful. Here I am battling a life-long depression, and facing foreclosure and possible bankruptcy. Makes me feel even more inadequate and unworthy of their attention.
I have to ask myself what would I gain? After virtually no contact with my family in some cases 20 years, would I be welcomed? Would I finally have a sense of belonging? Would I be rejected? I don’t know if I could bear the rejection again. Also I understand they are all quite religious, complete with bible quotes on their pages, I don’t know how my radical Atheist ideals would go over and I know I couldn’t stand if I was being preached at all the time.
So what do I gain by contacting my ex-family? I cannot honestly come up with any reason. I can’t think of anything my life currently lacks that they would provide. Perhaps I would feel loved by them, but the fear of the pain of rejection right now is much stronger.
I was wondering what I would discuss with my therapist today.