I have not been posting as regularly as I want, Things just keep me off the computer. You know, life things. I’ve been dealing with various issues from cable television to telephone service. Had a credit card compromised. Happens each time we stay at a hotel (which luckily isn’t very often). Coincidence? Don’t they screen their employees? Don’t they pay them enough? Probably. At least now days it is such a common occurrence I am not concerned. My bank notified me and they have already frozen the account until a new card was issued.
Then we made the mistake of switching to cable television after having satellite TV for 15 years. What a disaster. The cable provider is so confused it took me three phone calls to get our first bill figured out. They had us owing $20 when the guy showed up for installation. That should have been my first clue that things weren’t going to go well. It did however take care of our internet connection issues. We would get knocked off almost every time the phone rang. But now it looks like I have two telephone service providers. Though I cancelled ATT I got billed from them this month. Granted the bill wasn’t as high as it usually was, but it’s another thing I’ve got to take care of.
It’s always me that ‘takes care of’ issues that come up. It always has been. It was nearly impossible for me to take care of things while I was working. I do much better now that I’m retired, but I still hate it. I hate having to deal with the bank, correcting billing errors, like getting billed for a service we shouldn’t be. I suppose no one likes handling things like that. I tend to put things off, and that usually costs me. I didn’t respond to or even read some notices from my pharmacy and now my prescriptions have been delayed. I ran out of two of my antidepressants today, and probably won’t get my refills until Saturday. It’s not like I will be ill or die, but I might be snappy and grumpy, and I’ve already been like that this week.
This might be TMI (but when has that stopped me) but I’ve missed 4 periods out of the last six months. That’s a great thing. Though I am still bothered by emotional disturbances, most of my PMS symptoms have almost disappeared. I’m nearly halfway to menopause! Exciting I know, but I have been hoping for menopause since my mid 20s. I was having severe PMS before it was even called that. I can remember people griping at me, ‘what, are you on your period or something?’ And me explaining no, it was 10 days before. I would have PMS three weeks out of four, basically my 20s and 30s were badly marred by severe depression and a lot of misplaced, unreasonable anger. To have that all behind me is a relief I don’t think most people could understand. Last summer my doctor did a hormone test and it came back indicating I was nowhere near menopause. Shows how accurate those tests are. I was hoping to have a sign this year. It marks 13 years of pre-menopause, which has also been a treat. My relief is extreme.
One thing it took my husband years to understand is the total lack of control I had over my emotions. I could burst into tears if someone looked at me wrong. I would yell at people, get aggravated by traffic, get angry over nothing, and the depression, that was the worst. Unreasonable sadness I couldn’t come out of. That darkness marked most of life, and my husband and son suffered with me. Silently accepting, though confused and sometimes angry themselves.
I got some things taken care of. Like getting switched back to satellite TV and getting registered for my classes. I’m going to do Zumba twice a week, and then Tai Chi once. I’m still walking my dog at least twice a day. Walking about 1-2 miles on Fridays at the shelter. I hope to finally lose a few pounds. I guess I’m really lucky, though, taking a medication that usually makes people gain weight, and I’ve got a slow thyroid, which also usually makes people gain, not to mention most women tend to gain weight during/after menopause. So carrying an extra 20 pounds isn’t too bad. I so want my waist back, but I guess that’s beyond my body’s ability any more. It seems to be an inevitable part of aging. Another reason to hate getting old. I know, it’s a privilege, but it doesn’t make acceptance easy.