Well, I’m Pretty Sure it’s Not Schizophrenia

Just simple alcoholism.

jackI confronted son about the bottles of alcohol and he totally had me believing he didn’t know he’d bought them.  Put on a great act about how angry he was with himself about losing his sobriety after 8 years.  He even made a show out of throwing the bottles in the trash.  I told him I was proud of him for tossing the bottles out.  Why I didn’t toss them myself and dump them out first I’ll never understand.

How could I have been so stupid not to see through these lies.  I guess I really wanted to believe he hadn’t taken up drinking again.  That somehow drug addiction wouldn’t be so bad.  But addiction is addiction no matter the substance.  And my son is an addict and will always be one.  I just hope to be able to say he’s a recovering addict.

Things went along relatively smoothly in the afternoon, and I believed he was sober.  Until a few hours later when he began to talk gibberish again.  I hoped he was still sobering up.

He woke us about midnight wanting to turn on our bedroom light because the dog was coughing.  He said he needed a bowl because he thought the dog was going to vomit.  I asked him why he wanted a bowl from our bedroom and he just repeated that he thought the dog was sick.  I asked him why he didn’t just put the dog outside, and that just seemed to confuse him.

A quiet confrontation began and I demanded his stash and started to go through his dresser right in front of him.  All he kept saying is “What the fuck?” Husband demanded he leave the house and after some back and forth, he finally got dressed and left.  We heard him drive off and then sat around waiting for him to come home or the cops to call.  Turns out he didn’t even make it very far from our house.  He came stumbling back saying his car had stopped just up the road.  Then he took a shower and after that ranted a bit more.  A short while later he made coffee.  (Spilling it all over the floor I noticed this morning.)  He was in and out of the house all night.  Getting dressed and undressed, slamming doors and muttering until he finally fell asleep on the living room couch.pills

That takes us to this morning when he wakes me up wanting to know where his dad put his car.  I told him he drove off in it and left it somewhere.  Then he said his dad sabotaged his car and (of all things) his Facebook page.  I can’t imagine what is going on with his car, I haven’t been out looking for it yet.  As for his FB page, I imagine he’d been posting all sorts of incoherent rants and got himself taken off by the powers that be.

I feel like shit today in many ways.  I’m running on about 5 hours sleep.  My ms pain is acting up big time and in new uncomfortable places.  One positive; I’ve been trying to taper off Abilify, and am surprised this hasn’t sent me scurrying for the medicine cabinet.  I have done pretty good at not beating myself up too much, but I can’t believe I still believe his lies.  I was always able to read a lie from a mile off–from anyone but my son, I guess.

Got to take the dogs for a walk and get some air, then probably go back to bed.  Hope my day improves.

Thank you all for your support during this latest crisis in what has become my life.

He’s asleep again and hopefully will only be hung over when he gets up.

22 thoughts on “Well, I’m Pretty Sure it’s Not Schizophrenia

  1. It’s the hardest to detect lies from those closest to us I think sometimes because the part that wants to believe and trust overrides our instinct. I’ve had close people in my life who were alcoholics and while they rambled…it seems like your son is doing more…. Is it possible he’s been drinking so much that he’s got some alcohol poisoning…His actions really seem extreme.. I don’t know how you’re going to manage though because even if it’s only really heavy drinking that’s caused this…is he not likely to go into withdrawal ?

    Anyway Linda..just know that there are many who are feeling for you ….and I’ll repeat because I think I need to…. Do Not beat yourself up or feel guilty… It’s not your issue to ‘own’…. take care Diane

    1. The lying and that I didn’t see through it, not even yesterday. It’s hard not to beat myself up. It’s hard. On one hand I tell myself I did this or that wrong, but on the other, I know I can only work it out on my time. Too bad I’ve always been a slow learner. ❤

  2. Saying “We care and will pray for you” is such a cliche, but it’s all I know to say even though that, too, has been said over and over again in these comments. Please cling to hope and don’t give in to despair — and trust that, one day soon, the seeming hopelessness of your son’s situation will be resolved. And life will be good again. ((hugs))


    1. I told him there is no option any more. He must enter at least an outpatient program. He just enrolled in ACA, but who knows when he;ll hear back about his coverage. I hope to find a place willing to work with us and wait for him to be processed. Not that I can get him into a program.

  3. This does sound to me very similar to how my husband was behaving last year before I found out about the secret vodka drinking. I really believed that he was mentally ill but it had nothing to do with alcohol …..I now know different. One thing I did do a few months ago when he was off his head one night but still insisting that he hadn’t been drinking. I took some photos of him to show him what he looks like when he is in that state. Every now and again I show him those photos again to remind him.
    When he is like that he still thinks I won’t notice that he has been drinking.

    When I was married to my first husband who was an alcoholic in a different way, I sought counselling and was told either ‘get out of the relationship or if you decide to stay then make sure you take care of yourself and the children don’t run around after him he is an adult who makes his own choices.’

    hugs to you from across the pond x

    1. Thanks for sharing. It helps to ‘talk’ to those who have been there. Husband almost stopped Son from driving off last night, but I told him to let him go, that maybe he’ll get pulled over and arrested. Might need that to get through to him. I considered taking photos, and I will take out the camera if it happens again.

      Hugs received.

  4. We so want to believe our loved ones and it really hurts when you realize the lies are still there. We want them to succeed and to get well but it’s hard to fight with addiction. So sorry, I hope you are able to get more sleep.

  5. So sorry. I know it’s not much but know that I’m thinking if you. I can’t imagine how hard it is to see your son in that kind of shape and know that you can’t control it but want so much to help him. I have a dear friend who is using again and I truly have no idea how to help her. I can’t imagine if it were one of my children. xoxo

    1. It does leave you feeling quite helpless. The only thing worse than helplessness is butterflies in your stomach.

      I got him to call a treatment center, but when they told him it was a 28 day inpatient program he pretty much hung up. I’ll keep working on him regarding professional help.

  6. It’s almost impossible not to believe your child. We have had that experience too and it felt like nothing changed until our child was ready to change. All we could do was love them. You are amazing and I hope he finds his way soon.

  7. In my (previous) line of work, I searched for lies during the interview. Some prefer to call it interrogation. They are easy to detect and confront because it is business. But when it comes to you own kid……………

      1. It happens to nearly all of us… some more so than others. I know my 12 year old son has become quite adept at lying. Not putting the blame but my last ex has borderline personality disorder. I hope it isn’t transmitted genetically. 😦

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s