Just simple alcoholism.
I confronted son about the bottles of alcohol and he totally had me believing he didn’t know he’d bought them. Put on a great act about how angry he was with himself about losing his sobriety after 8 years. He even made a show out of throwing the bottles in the trash. I told him I was proud of him for tossing the bottles out. Why I didn’t toss them myself and dump them out first I’ll never understand.
How could I have been so stupid not to see through these lies. I guess I really wanted to believe he hadn’t taken up drinking again. That somehow drug addiction wouldn’t be so bad. But addiction is addiction no matter the substance. And my son is an addict and will always be one. I just hope to be able to say he’s a recovering addict.
Things went along relatively smoothly in the afternoon, and I believed he was sober. Until a few hours later when he began to talk gibberish again. I hoped he was still sobering up.
He woke us about midnight wanting to turn on our bedroom light because the dog was coughing. He said he needed a bowl because he thought the dog was going to vomit. I asked him why he wanted a bowl from our bedroom and he just repeated that he thought the dog was sick. I asked him why he didn’t just put the dog outside, and that just seemed to confuse him.
A quiet confrontation began and I demanded his stash and started to go through his dresser right in front of him. All he kept saying is “What the fuck?” Husband demanded he leave the house and after some back and forth, he finally got dressed and left. We heard him drive off and then sat around waiting for him to come home or the cops to call. Turns out he didn’t even make it very far from our house. He came stumbling back saying his car had stopped just up the road. Then he took a shower and after that ranted a bit more. A short while later he made coffee. (Spilling it all over the floor I noticed this morning.) He was in and out of the house all night. Getting dressed and undressed, slamming doors and muttering until he finally fell asleep on the living room couch.
That takes us to this morning when he wakes me up wanting to know where his dad put his car. I told him he drove off in it and left it somewhere. Then he said his dad sabotaged his car and (of all things) his Facebook page. I can’t imagine what is going on with his car, I haven’t been out looking for it yet. As for his FB page, I imagine he’d been posting all sorts of incoherent rants and got himself taken off by the powers that be.
I feel like shit today in many ways. I’m running on about 5 hours sleep. My ms pain is acting up big time and in new uncomfortable places. One positive; I’ve been trying to taper off Abilify, and am surprised this hasn’t sent me scurrying for the medicine cabinet. I have done pretty good at not beating myself up too much, but I can’t believe I still believe his lies. I was always able to read a lie from a mile off–from anyone but my son, I guess.
Got to take the dogs for a walk and get some air, then probably go back to bed. Hope my day improves.
Thank you all for your support during this latest crisis in what has become my life.
He’s asleep again and hopefully will only be hung over when he gets up.