It Never Ends

Busted Son–again–for drugs a couple days ago.  Told him he needs rehab.  Well he quit taking the Xanax and now is suffering withdrawals.  pillsIt’s terrible to watch.  So far the physical aspect isn’t too bad; his whole body just aches.  But the mental aspect is most troubling.  He is angry (at himself) and depresses about his life.  The worst part is being unable to help him see the positives in his life.  Pulling someone out of depression is like pulling your feet out of thick, stinking mud.  I can only tell him it will get better, that we are here for him, that we will help him through this.  I truly believe he needs professional counseling, though, of course, he refuses to try that.  I told him a 30-day in-patient rehab would be best for him, but he’s afraid of what his ex would say or do if she knew, and how do you handle 30 days of no contact?  How could we keep the truth from her? Son fears she would use this as an excuse to take his son away from him.  Not that we would ever allow that.

He is having a tough time with the move.  His son will be living at his ex’s during the week and going to school in her neighborhood.  He’s afraid of losing his son.  Of course, he knows taking drugs is no way to ensure that he keeps possession of his son, but he started out taking Xanax just to help with the depression about the whole situation.  With this move, though, we will only be about 20 minutes away, whereas now it’s easily 1 1/2 hour drive to his ex’s.  Plus, he deserves some “me” time.  I would love it if he could live on his own, find a girlfriend, make other friends.  Have a full life, instead of hiding at home, living minute to minute only for his son, doing nothing to help himself.

heartI know Son also fears that Grandson will get into trouble at his new school with the wrong friends.  Grandson has three cousins, two of whom are in constant trouble with the police due to drugs.  He’s afraid now that his son will be closer in proximity to them and get pulled into that world.  His oldest cousin is about 15 and has been in juvenile detention more than once.  Does not attend school, and is in serious trouble of becoming lost to us.  His other two cousins have been in trouble, mostly for smoking pot and skipping school, but one is following his older brother’s example and can’t seem to stay out of trouble.  It’s so sad to see this happening.  Of course, we have no influence over the cousins, and Son’s ex insists their son will be kept away from his cousins, but it does little to relieve my son’s mind.

I am still looking forward to this move.  We should be living there by next week.  Son and Grandson have a few days of school next week, and will join us next Thursday.  I wish it didn’t scare Son so much.  Grandson is thrilled with the move.  He knows how close he will be to his dad, and that means so much to him.  There are many more employment options for Son and he’s assured a quick commute.  He will be able to meet people his own age.  All he has to do to meet people is take his adorable puppy on a walk.  That dog is a major chick magnet!


We’re hopeful that once the withdrawal is over, and we are all settled in the new place, Son will return to his normal self.  All the stress of the move, and the end of the school year, and Grandson moving in with his mother will all be settled.  A new chapter in our lives will begin and Son will find it to be a positive change.

Hope is all I have at this point, and I am grateful to have that.  I am not crying about this latest set-back, and instead continue to look forward, knowing we will pull through this, as we have before.  Perhaps Son will finally banish his demons and be able to stay sober.  In the event he does not, we will insist on rehab, and then a halfway house.  Which I would prefer he do anyway.  There is a service I found which will help you find the right center and the proper help our son needs.  Unfortunately, they returned my call, but we were out.  I haven’t had a chance to call them back, but I suppose it’s really something Son should do for himself.


4 thoughts on “It Never Ends

  1. I’m a bit confused… Is your son moving in with you? I thought he was getting his own place…. I think that it would be best that he do everything he needs to do…himself as it puts the responsibility on him where I think it should be…If he doesn’t get more help…he really isn’t in any condition to care for his son….himself…He has to realize that.. All of what I said is my opinion only based on just how I read the situation… but maybe I’m off… In any case I hope you get moved okay and start enjoying your new home…. take care Diane

    1. Our son will be living with us temporarily, until he can find a job and we get him on some sort of insurance, whether it’s through his work or through Medicare, he’s got to get insurance and get started with some sort of counseling. We hope to help him get into his own place in about 3 months, hopefully less.

      I do thank you so much for your input. Hearing what other people have to say about the situation gives me new ways to look at things. And while I’ve been told for a good long while that we just need to kick him out onto his own, we are just emotionally unable to do that. We are all he has in the world, and we won’t abandon him like that. As long as he gets help, we will continue to support him, monetarily and emotionally. I really think him getting a job, then finding his own place will be good for him emotionally. Then he can start dating! (I hope.)

      1. I do understand the ‘not kicking him out’… I would find that hard myself… It’s finding that combination of things to make it all work out that’s the hard part.. I do wish you well as you do that…. There is always ‘hope’.. ( I need to remember that too)…Diane

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