My son is currently experiencing one of his worst depression episodes I’ve ever seen.  The worst part is, I can’t help him.  It appears he is headed to completely alienate the family by taking out his anger and frustration on us.  I understand he can’t control how he is feeling right now.  I understand the pain he is in.  I can’t understand why he refuses all offers of help, except he sees it as pointless.  “No one will help me,” he says.  He goes to Urgent Care or the ER every few months, only to complain about his physical pain, and of course, no one is going to give him a 30 day supply of percocet or oxycodone, so he says no one helps him.  That no one cares.  Except we do care!  How do I make him understand how badly he needs help.  Professional help that we will pay for.  He doesn’t want that.  Doesn’t feel it will make a difference.  He just can’t see past his depression.pills

Very unfortunately his depression is often manifested by anger directed at others.  Angry words, accusations and complaints, that’s all we hear.  It makes it especially hard to want to help him when he’s yelling at you.  He just won’t hear us.  Any time we tell him he should get professional help, we get the argument that no one cares, no doctor will help him because they all think he’s just some drug addict.  Yes, he is a drug addict, but like most of them, he is altering his mood with drugs and alcohol.  I get that.  I wouldn’t even care at this point, but he can’t maintain a steady dosage.  He keeps adding to his ‘dosage’ to kill all his pain, only adding to his problems.

ERHe can’t see that we love him and want to help him.  He is angry we moved (again).  He says he hates it here.  How does he know he hates it when he won’t go out and experience the city?  It’s not this place he hates, but his life.  He says that a lot, that he hates his life.  Apparently he thinks he was happy in Westlake Village.  Of course, we know he hasn’t been himself since his grandpa died 1 1/2 years ago.  It’s a long time to be dealing with his many ups and downs.

For him, he also has the added disadvantage of being uninsured.  Obama Care denied him and referred him to Medicare, which in turn denied him and sent him back to Obamacare.  A true sign (to him) that the world has conspired against him.  We did try to rectify things and get him covered, but he refused to do any of the work himself and at the time, I was disinclined to do it for him.  After all, he’s a grown man and needs to take care of himself.  Except he can’t.  I totally realize that now.  I will look into getting him insured today.suicide hotline

The helplessness and frustration is taking a toll on the family.  We have to do something.  We can’t continue to live like this!  Cross your fingers I can finally get him insured and once insured, he will seek medical help.




14 thoughts on “Depression

  1. I can only only make suggestions based on my own experience- so here’s what worked with me:
    I was also belligerent and rebellious. I only responded to, what I call, multiple choice. i.e. “These are the options available to us. If you want help, you’ve got to choose one of them. Otherwise, we have to part ways.”
    Seems harsh, but it was just respectful enough that I could deal with it.

    1. I haven’t presented any ultimatums, but maybe it’s time. He is feeling better today, but I don’t know if it’s because he’s taking something. He’s napping right now, but I plan to talk to him about things today since he’s feeling stronger.

      Thank you so much for caring enough to comment. It’s greatly appreciated. I do have hope that he can turn his life around. Soon.

  2. Linda, I’m so sorry that your son is feeling so bad… but you’re right he does have to reach out for help himself.. that’s one thing you can’t do. I’ll for sure cross my fingers and (I might sneak in a little prayer ) Diane

    1. Prayers are appreciated! And your support means so much to me. He is feeling better today, but I worry about the next bout. I’m hoping he isn’t taking something illicit to improve his mood.

  3. I’m so sorry you’re going through. My heart goes out to your son and to you and your husband as you struggle with knowing the best way to help him. I haven’t been in this situation as a parent but I have dealt with similar situations with other relatives. It is hard and so taxing, and I can’t begin to imagine how tough it is as a parent. Know that I’m thinking of you sending good thoughts your way.

    1. Thank you for your kind wishes. It is tough on everyone, and hard to remain calm when he begins to rant. I find I have nothing to say in response, and I think that makes him even more upset. I did reapply for him for Obamacare and found a letter that offered him help in getting covered on MediCal that I will also pursue.

  4. Big UGH! So sorry this is happening. This all sounds too familiar and reminds me of my niece who lived with us for a year. I remember her therapist explaining to us that anger is the cop out emotion and the easiest to deal with for the person. If not anger, they may then be forced to sit with their sadness and that is too much to handle. Lashing out feels better than lashing in. But damn, for the loved ones it is pure hell. Especially if they can’t see it and they don’t accept the help. Please take care of yourself and your marriage because you don’t want to be going down with the big ship. I almost did. Hugs.

    1. I am afraid I will go down with the ship, but my husband is strong and extremely supportive, so he helps me cope. Luckily Son is feeling better today. I need to talk to him about getting help. I found a letter addressed to Son offering him help in getting on MediCal that he has not responded to. That will be the first thing I confront him with; why he hasn’t taken the help offered to him?

      I’m sorry you had such a tough experience with your niece. It’s incredibly hard to cope with such anger day after day. I’m glad you’re ok. I hope your niece has gotten better. 🙂

  5. i want to say something and for you to know it comes with love and not judgement.

    your son needs a good swift kick in the pants. he uses you and you let him. he is a drug addict and so of course he is depressed. so that is his excuse for not getting help? unless he has some consequences for his behavior he is going to continue to make whatever excuses he can so as not to take responsibility for his problems that he has created. he has made the choices that have put him where he is now……

    what i hate is how this affects you. this seems to be a real blind spot for you. please go to al-anon if you are not already going. you need support and the kind of understanding they can give you.

    sending healing thoughts and wishing you peace of heart. i will be thinking of you.

    1. You are of course, right, but that doesn’t make it easy. I know I am giving up my happiness to keep my son safe. But I just can’t kick him out. I’ve been working on this a long time, and am no closer to getting through it than I was a year ago. I can’t take the guilt. I continue to work on it.

      I appreciate your wise words and truly take them to heart. I wish I could do what I know I need to. We did just find out that it looks like he will get MediCal, but it may be some time before he gets a card, etc.

      1. change is not easy for any of us. no reasonable person would expect you to make such huge changes in a short period.

        please just know that i support you and care about your well being.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s