Endings and Beginnings

I’m still pretty much mourning Robin Williams–I always had a big crush on him.  I have been spending my evenings watching old talk show clips and his HBO specials.  It just hurts to think what a giving person he was, only to die feeling Robinalone, afraid, and useless.  Of course, I’m making an educated assumption, since these are feelings associated with depressed and especially suicidal people, but I’m pretty sure he wasn’t feeling very funny.  I have an inkling as to how lonely he must’ve felt, and it hurts to think he didn’t feel worthy of the adoration of his millions of fans.  I’m disappointed that I haven’t seen more in the media about depression and suicide, but people have always had difficulty with the subject.  I keep telling myself I have to write about my suicide attempt, but I haven’t been able to find the funny.  Of course, I haven’t written anything in a few months now.  I’m hoping the improv class I’ve signed up for fires that motor up again.

It feels good to finally getting things accomplished.  We’ve got curtains for the windows instead of the shear ones we had (which don’t do much to keep out the heat) and will finally get them hung tomorrow.  We already have curtains up for the spare bedroom (where the boys are sleeping) and it’s so much nicer.  Pictures have been hung, and the missing spoon rack replaced.  Books are on the shelves and all the TVs and computers are up and running.  It only took three months, but I think we’re finally moved in.  Old clothes have been donated and old computers recycled.  We still have a bunch of stuff in the garage but have started to sort through it for a yard sale probably this fall.

In between getting stuff for the new place and finding neat places to visit, I have managed to getsuicide hotline all my doctors appointments taken care of.  I see the neurologist (an MS Specialist) next week.  I need to discuss the ongoing issue with my ankles, and then maybe still go see an orthopedist as well.  I’ll wait and see what the new doc thinks. I’ll probably want to check i with a gyn in the next few months, but I’m not eager to attack the menopause monster quite yet.  Last time I had my doc check my hormone levels (about 18 mos ago) she said I wasn’t even close to menopause.  Of course, I’d never had a baseline hormone level, so who knows, maybe my hormone levels have always been high?  But I suppose I should still get a check up.  Eventually.

We’ve been having a pretty good time.  Husband has the yards finished and they look great!  (Photos coming.)  We have more plants than we really have room for, but it’s not overly crowded.  We had friends over for a BBQ the other day, and they commented on what a beautiful yard we had.  We are going to see if our neighbors want to join us for a BBQ tomorrow or Monday.  These neighbors are terrific.  Very friendly, very easy-going, and always inviting the grand kid to go to the beach and park with their two boys (6 and 9).  They’ve been to the beach twice today, once this morning for about an hour, and again this evening.  And in between the grand kid played with their boys in and out of the house.  I know that means that tomorrow none of them will want to see the others.  At least that’s how it seems to go with kids.

KayakWe’ve only been kayaking a couple of times, but hope to go again next week.  It’s too crowded to go anywhere this holiday weekend, but we will get out again next week a couple of times.  I especially like to go in the late afternoon.  The water is calm, the beaches almost empty, and you have a beautiful sunset!  Next time we plan to bring a bottle of wine and some cheese and crackers to snack on.  Make kayak night date nite.  Perfect.

I finally enrolled in some classes from Parks and Recreation!  They have two levels of improv classes and I signed up for the basic course, and plan to take the more advanced class later in the fall.  They also offer a few Tai Chi classes and several martial arts, like ju jitsu, tae kwan do, and for now, I decided to start with a Shotokan karate class.  Something new and that will get me moving more, get my cardio going, and maybe help me shed another 10-15 lbs.



12 thoughts on “Endings and Beginnings

    1. I am very comfortable here. The smaller place is much easier to take care of. Though I sweep and vacuum much more often, it only takes me five minutes to do my living room! I love having wood floors!! I like how everything I need is only minutes away. We have clubs and restaurants and coffee houses all within a 2-3 minute drive.

      We lived rurally for 15 years. I loved that for the most part, but I think I prefer living in the city. I think it’s more sensible to live in town or city as we get older. Less driving, public transportation at every corner.

      1. We’re rural right now and it’s a nice change but likely in the next couple of years we will move to a ‘small’ city where one of our son lives, to an apartment with stores close, needing to drive less… and even public transit is we want…. Diane

    1. I wish I felt amazing all the time. I had sa few rough days recently and felt very low. I am pleased to have pulled out of it, but those days really made me think about Robin Williams, probably more than I should have. His death though has hit me deeply.

      From one amazing woman to another; sending you beautiful vibes!

  1. This is a great post, and from such a wise perspective. You have said well what I have thought about Robin Williams: that I only wish he could have seen himself as we do. Flaws and all, he was a shining star of humanity. And how beautiful of you to move from depression, suicide, moving, and into taking classes, terrific friends, and dating your husband. If this isn’t a perfect snapshot of a human life, I don’t know what is.

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