There’s too much in my head right now. The holidays bring with them a melancholy feeling of loss. I need to get things done to sell the house. I’m recovering from (another) fall. This time falling flat on my ass causing severe pain shooting through my arms and legs when I moved. Still hurts after five days, but I can move a bit easier, but not easy enough to practice my karate. I’m such a klutz! As I get older it concerns me. Son has taken up with his first girlfriend who recently had to move back into the area to care for her parents. I only hope she doesn’t break his heart again, and files for divorce from her current ass of an abusive husband. I don’t think he could take it. I’m hoping that she can give him the motivation to finally get his act together.
Actually had a cry over the loss of my family today. I haven’t been on Facebook much lately. But I am connected to a brother and three of my sisters, and I checked in today, only to come away today feeling how little I have in common with them. My sister A is a lifer in the Army. She and the rest of the family are staunch gun-toting Christian Conservatives who want to put “God back in the schools”, and support any wars we are fighting. How can you be a stout soldier holding up the values of the country, and not know that the central idea behind our Constitution is not forcing a religion upon it’s citizens? Blows my mind. And it makes me sad. I don’t mind entirely that the family is conservative, but it makes me feel like such an outsider. Isn’t that stupid? They never respond to any of my comments, so we can never enter into a sensible debate, but seem to just quietly ignore me. It will be quite a while before I check in on Facebook again. I sure don’t get anything out of it.
Then there’s the house situation. I am absolutely not motivated to move on this. We still need to meet with the realtor to sign papers to get the house listed, and clean the place up. It shouldn’t cost that much, but I’m not inclined to do much to the place just to make it easier for the bank to sell. Still I’ve gathered all the documents the bank wants, I may as well send it in. I suppose I’ll drive up next week, sign the docs with the realtor and make arrangements for someone to clean the place up. It won’t be much more than hauling away the old stuff. We had to turn off the water to the place because something broke in the laundry when we removed the washer, and water came spewing out of the wall. The biggest deal with the house that I want is once we sign the listing papers, and the bank has the documents they need, I won’t have to do anything else. I just want to take this off my mental list of shit to worry about.
Then there’s the karate. I just can’t seem to discipline myself enough to practice. I’ve already been hurt in class because we practice on a tile floor, and I’m just drenched in sweat that even the bottoms of my feet are wet. I’ve slipped and fallen twice, taking serious bruising. Then a few weeks ago the balls of my feet started to really hurt. Looks like metatarsalgia (toe bone pain) Sensei pushes us so fast. Some of us have only been doing this for two months, and he’s testing for belts this weekend! Of course, I am not testing. There is no way I am ready. I really enjoy the Karate when I do it, there is so much to learn and I’ve got the rest of my life to learn it, so I’m in no rush to make black belt. I think the self control of learning would be a good habit to obtain, yet I can’t seem to get my ass in gear! Why can’t I get motivated? Am I content? Would I be having this debate if I was? I really want to learn a martial art. Maybe this Sensei’s teaching techniques are just not the right way for me. He doesn’t really show us any of the punches or blocks in detail. Suddenly, he just has us doing them. Maybe this is how all Dojos are run, but I imagine I will find many different training techniques. Maybe all I need to do is switch teachers?
Been spending a lot of time on the family genealogy. I even made some family (distant) connections. Funny, over the past couple of years I’ve talked more with cousins I have never met than with my siblings. I even made contact with one of my last two remaining aunts. She is the keeper of my Dad’s family’s bible. She may know some things about the family that I don’t. I’ve got her phone number, and could call her any time, but have been afraid, what with the split in the family. Still I should call her. She gave me her number and said to call, so what am I afraid of? What’s the worst that could happen? She doesn’t remember me and doesn’t want to talk? Nothing ventured nothing gained, right? Ancestry.com offers DNA testing, and so we had Husband’s tested. The results were interesting, but very incomplete. The only information we found was all on his mother’s side. His Dad’s side, the side with the myths and mysteries, got zero hits with other test-ees. We’re hoping that as more people on Ancestry request the DNA testing that he may find some connections on that side.
I hope all you Americans enjoyed your Thanksgiving. I am thankful that I am healthy and content. I am thankful my son has gotten in touch with old friends and spent Thanksgiving with one of them.