Although the weather is not conducive to real hibernation (it was in the high 80s last week), I find I have been withdrawing again. Things are good and I’m pretty sure I am happy and content, but I dropped karate and haven’t been taking any classes. In fact, a couple of weeks ago I discovered some computer games I enjoy. I spent hours a day on these stupid things, but was really enjoying myself, until I realized I wasn’t doing much of anything else. I hadn’t been reading or posting and after a couple of weeks I decided that it wasn’t really good for me to continue with these computer games. So, here I am again.
All in all this year has started out pretty well. We had friends over for a BBQ the end of January for my birthday. I turned 54 and for the first time since turning 50 I wasn’t depressed on my birthday. We had a great time, lots of laughs, a little weed and some good wine. For the first time since we were newlyweds we are seeing friends often. It has greatly improved our lives. I feel a little less like the friends are his friends (though I have known most of these guys more than 20 years). It hasn’t been easy. I hear the stories about their youth, the reminiscing about things I never saw or did. It was very hard the past couple of years not to feel jealous of this group of friends. I am still jealous, but I am no longer disturbed by it.
I think my biggest issue is that I lack drive. Or so it seems. But if I am content, I guess it’s ok. Now if I would just get to the other side of menopause, I will be one happy camper. More on that later.