Although the weather is not conducive to real hibernation (it was in the high 80s last week), I find I have been withdrawing again.  Things are good and I’m pretty sure I am happy and content, but I dropped karate and haven’t been taking any classes.  In fact, a couple of weeks ago I discovered some computer games I enjoy.  I spent hours a day on these stupid things, but was really enjoying myself, until I realized I wasn’t doing much of anything else.  I hadn’t been reading or posting and after a couple of weeks I decided that it wasn’t really good for me to continue with these computer games.  So, here I am again.happy

All in all this year has started out pretty well.  We had friends over for a BBQ the end of January for my birthday.  I turned 54 and for the first time since turning 50 I wasn’t depressed on my birthday.  We had a great time, lots of laughs, a little weed and some good wine.  For the first time since we were newlyweds we are seeing friends often.  It has greatly improved our lives.  I feel a little less like the friends are his friends (though I have known most of these guys more than 20 years).  It hasn’t been easy.  I hear the stories about their youth, the reminiscing about things I never saw or did.  It was very hard the past couple of years not to feel jealous of this group of friends.  I am still jealous, but I am no longer disturbed by it.

I think my biggest issue is that I lack drive.  Or so it seems.  But if I am content, I guess it’s ok.  Now if I would just get to the other side of menopause, I will be one happy camper.  More on that later.

8 thoughts on “Hibernation

  1. Glad to hear that you’re doing better and you sound very happy and more content with life…This winter has seemed to bring a restlessness for me..not much drive either so I know what you mean…. take care .. Diane

  2. Welcome back! I’ve missed hearing your thoughts on life. What a great story about having a good birthday for a change. Happy Birthday, my friend.

    Believe me, I can completely relate to the computer games being so appealing. I have done the same as you, and stopped when they were eating too much of my time. But when I’m really just not motivated to do anything else, and I’m not letting anyone else down, I feel like it’s total luxury to lose myself in a game for three hours. And we deserve it, you know! Why not do something purely selfish and unproductive, now and then?

    Not that you asked my opinion, 🙂 But it sounds like you’re going through a natural ebb and flow – probably amplified by menopause. And your perspective is calm and thoughtful.

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