You know that insipid song was written by men, right?
I’ve never enjoyed being female. My life since puberty has been spent waiting in eager anticipation of menopause. I have always suffered from PMS. Even before PMS was a term, I had it. The moodiness, crying jags, migraine and depression for up to three weeks of each month. But generally, no cramps. That was about the only PMS issue I didn’t suffer from. It just never seemed really fair to me that some women had PMS and others didn’t. Girls used to tell me they were jealous because I rarely had cramps. I’d take three or four days of cramps in exchange for all my emotional pain, but of course, that wasn’t an option. To me it just seemed so easy to take a pill for cramps, when there was no relief for my symptoms. No one was handing out Prozac at the OB-gyn in those years.
I have been in the throes of peri-menopause for 15 years, (That’s right, 15.) while friends of mine simply turned around one day and discovered they were menopausal; without hot flashes, night sweats, blinding migraines, mood swings, depression, PLUS thinning hair, memory problems, sinus problems, and crippling nausea, for a week at a time. It’s that old saying, that if it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all. Meanwhile, I just keep waiting for the symptoms to end. Hoping each year will be the last year I have to suffer hormonal turmoil.
The end is near, I’m sure, because my symptoms have ratcheted up these past two years. I’ve missed my period for up to five months at a time, my night sweats have me changing out of my soaking pajamas several times a month, and the morning-sickness-like nausea hits me for 10 days a month. Of course the absence of menses isn’t necessarily the end of my ordeal, since symptoms can continue well past actual menopause. So I have that to look forward to.
Still I am hopeful that by year’s end I will have finally reached the end of puberty and all the attendant joys of being female.
I can’t wait. It will be like Chanukah, Christmas, and summer vacation all wrapped up in one big ribbon. It will be nice to be able to eat again.