Life Can Be a Challenge

The past two years have been quite eventful between Husband’s retiring and our move, but they have been mostly happy.  In fact the reason I don’t think I’ve posted near as often as I used to, is that I don’t have any complaints, or issues to work out via the blog, until today.  Well it’s been building the past several weeks.

It’s the same things, of course, Son has serious issues.  Lately I have begun to despair that he is broken beyond repair.  I doubt he can ever maintain his own home and I’m in tears right now thinking about it. The plan when we moved is that Son would’ve been on his own by now, and we have made progress in that direction, since Son now is operating an online herbal sales business.  Still it will be difficult to secure an apartment since he is self-employed, so he has to stay with us until he has a steady income for a good year, unless we co-sign a lease for him.

It’s so hard not to blame yourself when your child doesn’t turn out the way you hoped.  I absolutely hate to hear about my nieces and nephews who have gone to or attending college, getting married, moving away from home.  While here I am still worrying about what’s bothering my Son.  Wondering how best to help him.  I try to support him, but it’s not easy.  Knowing I made serious mistakes along the way.  The feeling that I did this to my Son cannot be shaken.  I find myself becoming very depressed again.

14 thoughts on “Life Can Be a Challenge

  1. While we are parents for our kids, while they grow up, mostly parents do their best for their kids. I’m sure that you did that too.
    We are humans and not robots and we do all make mistakes. This is natural for all of us. We wish later that we did or didn’t do this or that. Just we know that we did our best with that knowledge as we had then.

  2. We always seem to do that; blame ourselves and you know in your heart you shouldn’t. We can have for example more than one child raised in exactly the same way and with the exact same love; and yet one chooses to learn and remember in a positive way, and the other in a negative way. The child/grown child makes their choices in life, regardless sometimes of what we try and teach and impart to them. At some point Linda, I hope you can realize that ‘son’ is the person who has not made some right choices and you are not at fault. While it hurts to see him struggling, all we can do I think is love them… but not carry guilt that should not be in our thoughts as all it does it cause you sorrow. It doesn’t change anything, except for that! Diane

  3. once our children are no longer children it is our job to let them decide what kind of adult they want to be. i have seen this with my own step-children. well actually the son of my husband and wife one. all i can say is once we have brought them to maturity (in age) it becomes their quest to become who they want to be. if we interfere after that it becomes about us and not them.

    i have a son who is now 43. when he was 18 i gave him a good start, 6 mos all expenses paid and offered to pay for further education. if not (he did not) then he would be on his own financially. he did not speak to me for about 6 mos. this was tough but i knew it was in his best interest. he needed to be able to take care of himself. in my opinion it was going to make me feel better to give him money but would cripple him as an adult. he is by the way doing very well now. he has 6 children, thanks to training from the army a steady good paying job and has never had to ask anyone else to take care of him.

    of course not everyone is the same and i know there are reasons you continue to help your son. i just hope some day you come up with a plan that leaves you feeling ok and him on his own. what does your husband think? i worry about you with your health issues taking on so much. please take care of yourself and i hope you don’t find this harsh, if so it is only because i care so about you.

    1. I always look forward to your comments. You are honest and your advice makes so much sense. I have gotten better with Son, but some days are harder than others. He has a small online business so he’s finally got an income, but he has a long way to go to support himself. At least it’s a start. Me, I’ve just got to do my own thing and try not to worry.

  4. I can relate to your feelings of frustration and I know there is nothing I can say to help the situation. But I can say I care about you and your family, and your love for them is obvious. Thank goodness for blogs sometimes, when we need to let it out sometimes. Hugs.

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