My life here near the beach has not been the idyllic retirement. We have no schedule so I never know what I will be doing next. Husband gets itchy feet and off he wants to go (usually to spend money we shouldn’t). Most times I go with him because I know he likes me to. Sometimes we go out to the beach and walk. We haven’t taken the kayak out in months. Husband’s bike is gathering dust in the garage.
I don’t know why it has worked out this way. Why I have little interest in doing much. In the back of my mind I think it’s the dysphoria coming back, yet for the most part I am content. But I argue with myself about doing things. Making excuses for not exercising more. nI’ve gone to yoga at the beach and enjoyed it immensely, but haven’t done it for weeks. There is Tai Chi in the park I really want to join, yet instead I stay in bed and read. I haven’t made the friends I had told myself I would. The few women I have met and get along well with have full lives without adding me to their social calendar.
Some of my excuses for not doing things are legitimate. I’ve been working with Son on his new business, printing his labels and packing slips, creating and updating his website. It took weeks to set up his site and I hated it. It felt like work and stressed me out. But It needs updating again and I will be trying to teach Son how to do the updating himself.
Husband has been dealing with kidney stones for about 3 months. It was awful! To see him in such pain, or passed out on the pain killers daily for weeks. They tried lithotripsy, but the tech was very poor and the doctor could not find the stones. She ended up going up the urethra to capture only one of the 3 stones. He passed one of the remaining stones, and the last stone is sitting in his kidney, until just a couple days ago when he started experiencing some pain. Thank goodness he still has pain killers!
I have been worn out this summer. The heat has been constant, and the breeze has not. It’s even hot on the beaches! It does cool off at night thank goodness. Lots of MS issues with my legs, arms and back. My gastroparesis is back, though I was told it never goes away, I have been eating normally for nearly 5 years. So far it has not been too bad, but my appetite is non-existant. Some days just the thought of eating makes me nauseous. I am down to a good weight and probably shouldn’t lose any more.
I think in the past six months I have visited the ER 7 or 8 times. Son suffered from serious anxiety attacks and we took him to the ER several times because it was so bad. During one episode his heartbeat was over 150 beats per minute. (Later we discovered one of the herbs Son was taking was making his anxiety worse. He stopped taking it and suffered withdrawals for 2 weeks. An herb! Kratom I think it’s called.) Then there were several trips with Husband to the ER for his kidney stones. Luckily the hospital is only a mile away, and surprisingly efficient. I must inquire at the hospital about a family rate. LOL
And, to continue the theme of health issues; Mom had at least 4 heart attacks in the last three months. Two of them quite severe. The doctors were not optimistic about her recovery after the last one, but that was three weeks ago and she seems to have recovered just as she always does. She’s 85 and they did surgery on her earlier this year as well. Incredible. If I were her I think I would’ve had my defibrillator implant turned off or removed, so the next heart attack would just take me out. She says she is not done living yet, and at this rate she will see her eldest son pass away. Husband’s older brother, he has many health issues and is on very high doses of painkillers like oxycodone. He’s had a couple of strokes, the last one was pretty bad. He’s pretty much housebound, and his poor wife is running ragged taking care of him.
On the positive side, I have gotten back in regular contact with one of my sisters, D. She is two years younger than me, and was once much more religious than I. I was happy to discover she was no longer of that mind, and was also closer to me in terms of politics as well. It gives us much more in common than just being raised in the same house. We email a bit, and have talked every few weeks on Skype. It has been very nice for both of us to have a sister again.
So that sort of sums up my long absence, but I really miss all my friends here when I am away. Even if I am not reading or commenting, I am thinking about you often, wondering how things are going.