The Many Joys of Aging

Really, there aren’t any.  Aging is a difficult process, especially after about 50 years.  Your life begins to revolve around health issues, doctor visits, tests, and too many prescriptions!  It can get very disheartening.

kneesSo far this year we have dealt with:

  • two MS flares and a general increase in symptoms and subsequent increase in medications
  • kidney stones of epic proportions (not really, but they were big enough) which included numerous doctor visits and several visits to the ER
  • knee issues, as yet unresolved. (The docs say the arthritis “isn’t that severe” yet the pain is.  The cortisone shots and the Synvisc treatments have been a bust)
  • ER visits with Son for anxiety, and back pain
  • Social Security benefits issues
  • Medicare questions
  • Medi-Cal problems
  • mounting medical bills
  • fear of having to move from our beautiful little upstairs apartment, because Husband’s knees are so bad

And that’s just the three of us.  We have also been dealing with Mom’s care.  We have found she is now without funds sufficient to continue to live in the home where she has been for two years.  We just discovered she has not been receiving her husband’s naval pension benefits.  I had started all the paperwork for her to receive that after her husband died, but she started to hoard the paperwork and would no longer let me help.  Now I have to start over, and try to push the issue to get her some financial help quickly.  She can no longer pay her rent.  Preliminary info on military pensions say that they are not generally passed down to widows, unless the vet paid into the pension to do so, but we haven’t found if that may be the case.  I only know Mom never finished the process, choosing instead to ignore it.  Now, of course, it’s MY problems again.  Yippee!!

pillsLately I have been hating my life and having trouble staying positive.  I’m now in pain every day, though mostly mild.  I now take 7 different prescriptions.  My emotions are raw and I cry at the least provocation: sad movie, sad book, imagined slights. Hormones?  Who the hell knows?  It could be PBA caused by the MS.  It doesn’t really matter the cause.  It’s just a new thing to cope with, or possibly to add a new prescription to my growing pharmacopoeia.  Something I sincerely do not want to do.

My last visit to the neurologist we discussed the constant esophageal spasms, and she said it is likely NOT the MS, but GERD!  Really?  I always understood GERD hit you at night, and was very painful.  The spasms are not painful, but constant and uncomfortable.  Imagine a fist through your chest squeezing your esophagus.  Now I need to see a gastroenterologist to determine the cause and find a remedy in the form of a pill.  Ugh!

I know my problems are minor to so many of you dealing with serious illnesses and looming death.  I’m just so disheartened today, having difficulties seeing any light at the end of these tunnels.  I’m just venting here.  No comments are really required.  I know we all have our bad days, and today is one of mine.

8 thoughts on “The Many Joys of Aging

  1. as one of those people with a terminal illness let me be the first to say, do not compare your problems with mine. your suffering is yours and it is disrespectful to you and to your disease. when i read of your trials i don’t think it is nothing since it is not life mine.

    i hope so that things will turn around for you and want to send you my love and light

  2. You are a deeply thoughtful and caring person and of course we are out here thinking of you and wishing for good things in your life. I have been terribly delinquent in keeping up with reading my favourite blogs (you see I have been through a bunch of yours tonight), but rest assured, I am out here thinking of you and sending my love in thoughts, but sometimes not finding the time to type it out.

    All those pills must be a pain in the butt to deal with. And I think each time a doctor prescribed new pills, it would frustrate me so much. I am in awe of your continued spirit. You just keep reframing it in your mind, so that you can find a way to deal with it all. Like you said, you’ve been dealing with medical issues for so long that it’s not new, but still… ugh.

    And gosh, worrying about having to find a new home with less steps. I would do the same thing. I know people tell me, “Don’t project. It hasn’t happened so don’t waste time worrying.” But I know what it’s like to see a potential future and try to get myself prepared. Worrying about your own home, that you love, is one of the bigger things in life.

    You are dealing with a lot. Give yourself a break. Hopefully that heat lets up soon and you can at least not have the weather to deal with too!

    1. Thanks for your kind support. I’m starting to think my sudden emotional downs are caused by the new MS drug I started a few months ago. I stopped taking it to see if anything changes.

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