I’ve been feeling rather negative lately. Perhaps I am depressed about my back, which causes me pain daily for the past 6 months. Standing at the sink for the15 minutes to do the dishes and my back is screaming for me to lay flat, or at least sit down. The doctors do not seem overly concerned. The last appointments I had with all three of my docs I felt I was dismissed. They all said, ‘see you in # months’. Made it sound like an order.
My back is causing me not to do things, like walk, though I can last longer than standing still for some odd reason.
Some days I can walk an hour before it starts to ache. But at night, doing the cooking and washing after, I’m in pain. I keep trying to get to yoga and tai chi, but the timing just never seems to work out. I’m thinking about making up a schedule and promising myself I will keep to it no matter what for the month of November. I know that’s a lofty goal: Committing to improve my health.
I do have to. Improve my health and that of my family. We had all promised (many times, very many times) to eat better, treat our bodies like the temples they are. Love our bodies as much as a spouse or child. If we loved our bodies would we treat them better? We seem unable, individually or as a group, to eat a more balanced diet. We are addicted to sugar. Most people are to some degree. But today I ate an entire 1 lb bag of candy corn. I had been angry at Husband when I bought it. So instead of sharing this treat, I devoured it in secret throughout the day. Yikes! If that’s not a sign I need to change, I don’t know what is. I’ve been doing things like that a lot lately. Buying candy bars on the sly when off shopping by myself, then go out for an ice cream with Husband that night.
I’ve lost weight, mostly because I just don’t find anything very appealing about food lately. I can go days without feeling hungry. I want to keep the weight off, but by improving my diet. Coincidentally, the liver doc told us sugar has been shown to be more addictive than heroin. Scary right? I’m a living example of a sugar junkie: using excuses to justify eating a chocolate, lying to people about it, hiding my binging from family.
I must take better care of myself, but lately I just don’t care. If I were a day, I’d be chilly, damp and overcast. The sort of day that won’t necessarily stop you from doing the things you have to, but nasty enough not to do things outdoors that you might want to do. Like picnic.
They say the first step to beating addiction is admitting you have a problem. And I honestly do. I seem unable to stop myself from eating nothing but what’s bad for me in every way. And I so don’t want to give it up. But I’m promising myself, and using this blog to hold myself to it, the month of November will be my test, but I will try not to put anything in my mouth that is not healthy for me starting now. I tell myself, I would do these things if I had cancer, right? That’s what you do when your life is threatened. Start taking better care of yourself. Why invite cancer into my life by sabotaging my own health? Why wait for a fatal diagnosis?