Came home from dinner Monday night to find son sitting on the couch snoring. Just like he does when he drinks. We said nothing and went to bed. He woke me at 2AM with the worst migraine. Took him to the ER. Sat with him for 4 hours while they gave him benadryl, compazine, and toridol.
He was in a rage on Tuesday. I slept most of the day, not having had much sleep the night before. He was still angry today. Stupidly, I decided this would be the day I would give him a letter explaining how his addiction effects us and how much we want to trust him. How much we want to help him. Just how much we want our “old T” back.
My letter did not go over well. We spent 1 1/2 hours yelling at each other. Mostly Son doing the yelling. That stupid letter I never should’ve given him. He’s left just now, says he’s going to check into the hospital “to give us a break.” We don’t need a break. Things have been good for 4-5 weeks now. I just wanted to know what happened Monday.
I’m so sorry I wrote that note and gave it to him. Shouldn’t have done it. It made things worse than just letting him be.
Going to go have me a good cry. Then probably a nap. Not up to yoga or tai chi today. I think I’d rather wallow in a little self pity.
It’s 4PM and he’s been raging all damn day. He’s talking about going to the hospital, but we are encouraging him not to go. I know as soon as he checks in, he will want to leave again. Plus it’s Christmas this weekend, we don’t want it ruined by him being in hospital, but then again, if he’s going to be in a manic rage all week, maybe it’s best.
I feel this is all my fault. I know how he reacts. But I was angry with him, and disappointed, and felt I needed to do something. Unfortunately, for Son, it was the wrong thing.