Invisible DIsI retired due to disability in December 2011.  The transition has turned out more difficult than I first thought.  I’d also just turned 50.  I decided it was time for my mid-life crisis and this is the story of that journey.  Though the crisis is for the most part over, I’m still questioning what I am doing with my life.

I grew up in Wisconsin in a family of ten.  I never felt I really belonged, or that anyone in the household really cared if I was there or not.  I left home a week before my 18th birthday for the Navy, where I met my husband while being stationed in Pensacola, Florida.  We dated for about a month before getting married in September 1979.  We have been through a lot together: his mother’s illness, his panic attacks, his affair, son’s drug and alcohol use, my depression and my ms.  After going through all that together, I can’t imagine myself anywhere else or with anyone else.

the waltonsI came across my father’s obituary a few years ago.  No one contacted me about his health or his death, and actually omitted listing my name as one of his children.  Harsh, I know, but to me not surprising.  We certainly weren’t The Waltons.  It did hurt, but it helped finalize the feeling of never being an important part of the family.  I recently found some family on Facebook.  I had to really wonder about contacting them, but feel as if I’ve finally shut that door.

I am a longtime California resident.  In fact I’ve spent most of my adult life in So Cal.  We live in a beautiful place surrounded by federal parkland and in the midst of an oak forest.  It’s me, my husband, our son and grandson (and for a while, great-grandma) living in a two bedroom manufactured home.  It is quickly falling into disrepair as we are in the process of losing it, we’re just not sure when.  We quickly fell behind when I left my job.  This is my little family.  And recently realized it’s the only family I need.

I suffer from serious clinical depression and have tried suicide.  My last attempt was quite DI buttonsserious and I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital for a week.  Each day can be a struggle,  even with medication.  I see a psychiatrist every couple months, and a therapist weekly.  I recommend anyone with a mental disorder do the same.  I believe in talking about mental health issues.  I work to get rid of the stigma mental illness has.  You’d never tell someone with cancer, “get over it.”

Writing this blog has so far been very therapeutic in that so many people have contacted me sharing their own similar experiences.  I have made a few friends here, and hope they will always been in my life.

All through my 20s and into my 40s I wrote: short stories, short short stories, novels, a solo play.  I actually had a few pieces of mine published, both in print and online (though now it’s been over ten years since I had anything published, and you can’t find much anymore.  I’ve been archived away.  I had hoped writing this blog would also get me past my 7 year “writer’s block” and I guess it has, since I try to  post every day.  I also dabble in Haiku, which I learned from another blogger.

MS logoI was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in November 2007, and my writing, grammar, and spelling abilities have deteriorated in that time.  Though diagnosed only a few years ago, I believe I have had ms more than 20 years.  That’s quite common actually since ms is very difficult to diagnose and often takes many years before diagnosis.

In this blog I cover everything from my life experiences, my Atheism (with a Buddhist bent), my dislike of organized religion, and disorganized politics.  Under Me Stuff I share my passivity, pacifism and disdain for the military, my extreme dislike of the Extreme Right.  I believe in gay rights, human rights, and the right to die with dignity.  I do not censor myself (I absolutely hate censoring) so please be aware I do curse like a sailor (I do keep it to a minimum).  I write exactly as I speak.  My “writer” self and “my”self are the same.  I am real and honest, and try to be objective and non-judgmental.

I hope you enjoy my blog.  And Thank You for following, liking or just reading it, and mostly, Thank You for taking the time to comment.

98 thoughts on “About

  1. Hi…I was reading another blog when I came across this and thought about you..so I copied the part I thought would be of interest….Diane

    If you are say writing a book or anything or maybe you want to be a beta reader, or do some art work or get a critique on a work in progress… stuff like that, there is a forum just started that is a great place to go to participate with a great community of really creative people who work together to help each other realize their goals of creating, writing , publishing… Go on over, take a look around, there is plenty to keep you busy and plenty to help you out. The more we have involved the more ideas and .. I mean wow.. think of the possibilities. Here is the Link -http://forum.redmundpro.com/ On the right hand side there is a menu, click forums and you can register from there. It is the forum for Redmund Productions and I am telling you the people who are there already are the best and we (hee hee see how I did that?) always welcome the input of others and are eager to help. C’mon – don;t sit there staring at your latest WIP and wonder if it is good – or wish you could do artwork for a cover – or wonder what it takes to get published, CLICK THE LINK! yes..you can even do it now. Just be sure and come back.

    1. Thanks for checking on me. We’re getting a little more settled, but the transition is tough. Mom is feeling her age and is pretty depressed. In three days all she’s eaten is half a hot dog. Needless to say we’re worried about her. I’ll try to put up a post today.

  2. Hello there,

    I’m Justin of MomentMatters.com. I’m excited to inform you that Moment Matters is re-launching with new features and design!

    Along with it, I’m compiling a free e-book about the Greatest Articles and I’m featuring excellent comments. Your thought in “Let’s Talk About Not Talking About Politics” is a standout! I’m asking permission if I could include your words in the book?

    All the best,
    Justin G. Bautista

      1. The free e-book “Greatest Articles | Moment Matters”, featuring your comment, is out now! You may download it in Nook, Kobo, ePUB or PDF format here.


    1. Thank you so much. I was trying to self or epublish something, but I had editing to do that I never finished. Didn’t have the time at the end of the year with what all was going on. Maybe a new project is just what I need right now. Thank you. I will check it out.

      1. I had a problem a while back with a wrong email attached to my name…if you had that one in your address book instead of this correct one …that might explain it… it began with whilopren…so just in case doublecheck this…. Diane

  3. Thanks or coming by Funny Names Blog to read about Pappy 🙂 I enjoyed reading about you here. Many thanks for your service to our country.

  4. Hi, Linda…hope this gives your spirits a boost! Forgive the “form letter” approach!
    Hi! Just a note to let you know I have nominated you to receive The Leibster Award. If you are not familiar with it, you may read about it on my post today (Wed. 06/05/2013).

    If you already have the award or, for some other reason, wish to decline it, you need take no further action.

    If you wish to accept the award, full information is in the post referenced above.

    My sincerest CONGRATULATIONS and continued success in your writing.


    **warm wishes**

  5. You have a really interesting blog here. Thanks to Chris for introducing me for your blog. I think, that we may have around same age and several “experiences” in common. I will follow your blog, I need to.

  6. Sisterhood of the world bloggers award
    Yes you are being Awarded this by a man
    Below is my reasons:

    I ask in the name of FUN and good manners you accept!
    If you have this already, put it up again and add this:
    “I got this from a man called Shaun”
    😀 I think this would be good fun..

    So I award you the “Sisterhood of the world bloggers award”
    Please accept x Award Below!

  7. I wonder if you can provide a little extra detail on your profile, here. In particular, this statement, “my extreme dislike for the Extreme Right, gay rights, human rights, dignity, and politics in general” makes me curious. Are you saying you don’t like people who campaign for these rights, or are you saying you don’t like these rights? It sounds like you are saying you don’t like human rights, or dignity, and that doesn’t make sense. 🙂 For the record, I’m not a fan of the Extreme Right or politicians, but a great big fan of gay rights, human rights, and human dignity. Also a fan of your openness and honesty and your blogging.

    1. I definitely need to re write that. I’m anti Extreme Right. I believe fully and completely in equal rights for all, and have a profound dislike for politicians.

      Thanks for bringing that badly worded statement to my attention. 😀

  8. Also you asked if all of my art work is acrylic, no, some of them are digital creations, some are photographs with digital enhancements, but they can be printed on acrylic, canvas, metal, framed and more. The link under each picture takes you to my art web page where one may see all of the options. Have an amazing day my friend. =)

  9. Hi. Shaun here. We all Know Tersia and her story about her Daughter Vic.
    The one year anniversary just passed. I am asking you PLEASE share and show this collage.
    I made it with pictures that Tersia shared with us all.
    This is not an award, it is in Memory of Vic and to show the strength of Tersia in what she did
    I BEG YOU SHOW THIS AND SHARE THIS. From my heard to yours. Shaun


  10. Appletonavenue, it is not easy being under attack by your own feelings, is it? I started to blog solely for documenting family history which had been disappearing. Now, like you, I find it therapeutic and for me, helps provide a sense of worth.

    1. It does provide a sense of self worth, something I was sorely lacking two years ago. I find the connections I have made to some of the other bloggers here at WP to be some of my most satisfying relationships.

  11. Thanks for the follow! Advocacy of “invisible illness” is very important to me. I don’t have MS, but our local chapter has provided a lot of support to my father and I. He has tranverse myelitis (TM) and mononeuritis multiplex (that’s a complicated mouthful, isn’t it?) and I am dealing with sciatica. I too want to end the stigma on mental illness; I have spent 25+ years in the community mental health system trying to get proper treatment for bipolar and cPTSD. Treatment of the former diagnosis has gone well but the latter is tougher.

    1. It’s tough when you don’t ‘look’ disabled. I don’t tell people I’m disabled, just say I’m retired. They usually follow with, wow, lucky to retire so young and I just agree. It’s easier that way.

      I send you thoughts of peace and healing. Good luck in finding help for your ailments. I know how hard it can be getting the help you need.

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