New Stuff

I just had to replace my laptop.  It had been shutting down on me periodically and the power jack would get very hot, but computerbefore I could take it in to have it evaluated, it fried and will no longer power up.  It took me a weeks or so to select a new laptop and I’ve spent the last several days trying to find my way around Windows 8.1 and a whole new look.  I still can’t find things and have been unable to figure out how to make certain changes.  Everything is different and I have to change some settings every time I turn it on, like “View on Desktop” but I can’t always find the desktop and my short cuts.  On the plus side, it is faster than my old laptop, has much better sound quality, and they’ve made improvements on the battery and power jack.  I don’t think this one has as big a chance of overheating as my old one.  So far so good, though it seems like my space bar sticks a little.  I also can’t figure out the mouse.  I have to find the settings for that, but haven’t yet.

I started Shotokan Karate last weekend and have had four lessons already.  Sensei said Shotokan is the most difficult form of martial art.  I don’t know if that’s true, but I can see that to do the moves properly takes many years of practice.  I have a problem with recognizing left from right, and mirror imaging, so I often have the wrong hand or foot forward.  The turns are tricky too.  It looks so simple when I watch others make the moves, but when I do it I find I’m turning the wrong direction.  Turning to the left isn’t as simple as just turning, but you make a 3/4 way turn in the opposite direction (or so it seems to me).  There are also no mirrors in the room, so I have trouble following the other students, as I have to turn my head, and therefore I no longer have the proper karateposture. Sensei is Japanese and has an accent to get used to.  He uses Japanese terms that I am unfamiliar with and I don’t know the terminology yet. (I need to find a book.)  I can’t tell when one word ends and another begins.  He speaks rapidly, throwing in Japanese terms and with my problem knowing my left from my right, it’s no wonder I’m confused.  I hope to make it through the month at least, and maybe take the next class.

I have been practicing at home watching videos on Youtube, but each person has their own way of teaching so I can’t necessarily study the moves I was shown in class.  But the basic moves are all the same and the way you move is always the same, so I think watching he videos helps.  I do like the class though.  It reminds me a little of Tai Chi, except for the speed.  I work up quite a sweat and get pretty red in the face and breathing hard.  I would’ve thought the Zumba classes I was taking had gotten me into a little bit better shape.  I had no trouble dancing for an hour, but this is a whole different kind of work out.

The heat has been horrendous for the last couple of weeks.  Even this close to the water it’s in the 90s!  There has been very little breeze and of course, we have no AC.  We had to change the curtains in the living room.  The sheer ones we had weren’t doing much to keep out the sun and heat.  We finally got the new ones hung, and they are much better at blocking the sun.  The temp in the room is still high, but probably a few degrees cooler.

Still making changes in my life.  Learning karate, taking an improv class.  I’m out of the house four nights a week, and then out with husband another two, going out to dinner, or taking out the kayak.  I’m happy (most of the time) with my life and have an easier time accepting my aging body, wrinkles and all.  lol!

I Accept

I’m very honored to be handed The Blog of the Year Award 2013.  Thank you very much for the award irenedesign2011,  I appreciate the nod.  Not to toot my own horn, but this is the 3rd  or 4th award I have been graced with these past few weeks.  Must be the holidays.

(And on a weird political rant tangent:

I say ‘holidays’ because I understand there are numerous ‘holidays’ in December, and would rather myself say ‘Happy Holidays’ to your ‘Merry Christmas’ only because ‘Kwanhanichrist’ is hard to say.  (I leave out numerous other holidays in that phrase above as it word rolls off the tongue better than ‘kwanhanichristsolsboxingNewYear’.

Section 1: Directions for you to accept the The Blog Of The Year 2013 Award

1-Select the blog(s) you think deserve the Blog Of The Year 2013 Award. (done)

2-Write a blog post and tell us about the blog(s) you have chosen- there are no minimum or maximum number of blogs required- and ‘present’ the blog(s) with their award. (this is it.)

3-Let the blog(s) that you have chosen know that you have given them this award and share the instructions with them- (please don’t alter the instructions or the badges!) (working on it)

4-Come over and say hello to the originator of the Blog Of The Year 2013 Award via this link:http://thethoughtpalette.co.uk/blog-awards-2-/blog-of-the-year-2013-award/ (done)

5-You can now also join the Blog Of The Year Award Facebook Page. Click the link here:https://www.facebook.com/groups/BlogoftheYear (I might just do that)

6-And as a winner of the award- please add a link back to the blog that presented you with this award (done)

7-and then proudly display the award on your blog.

Section 2: Badges

Image

I’m sorry, but this is a lot of work for what should be considered an honor.  I can understand the idea behind it.  And, truly, I am grateful for these nominations, but really, I have a bit of trouble with linking all these things so this post takes me a long time to complete.  I don’t know, but maybe I’m doing it wrong.  Any hints to speed up the process I’d appreciate it.  Normally, I spend maybe an hour on my post, and have the rest of my limited time reading/commenting on other peoples’ blogs.  These take me hours.

That said, I nominate the following people.  They have been very active parts of my life,  eFriends, if you will.  People I would like to meet in person.

Everyday Gurus

Looking For Reasoning To A Complicated World
On The Light Side Of Gamification
Randa Lane – Haiku And More!

Of course, there are numerous others, but, well, these are the first five that came to mind.  Plus there are those of you who prefer not to participate.

I love you my co-bloggers and efriends, I have found a great deal of friendship, and education knowing all of you.  So, go forth and populate the blogosphere with mutual respect, a sense of caring and support, as we all go through our various trials.  I’ve gotten a lot of support here.

Crap

I just found out I cannot appeal the latest decision by disability to dismiss my case without looking at my additional medical conditions.  Stupid me, I should’ve tried suicide a year ago, then maybe I could’ve claimed depression and MS.  I just didn’t think it was necessary to list absolutely every tiny issue.

Now I’m screwed.  Well, no more screwed than I was two months ago, but still, it’s disappointing.  Especially since no jobs are on the horizon–unless I know bookkeeping, sales, or marketing, which I don’t.  But I have decided I will not drive longer than 25-30 minutes.  My last commute was 1.5 hours each way.  It was killing me, or would, because there were times I almost nodded off.  Then I’d get home eat and fall into bed by 7PM.  Never feeling rested, sleep deprived even.

But that’s all past, I’m moving forward, if I lose the house, I lose it.  If we have to file bankruptcy, I’ve made my peace with it.  I want a much more simple life.  Less complicated, less stuff, less work and more Life.  Losing everything will make that easy.  My only concern is securing housing without any credit.  I doubt there are too many apartments will let you move in without a credit card these days.  Or rent a moving van.   So it’s hard no to be concerned.

I’ve started talking to husband about living in the city of Seattle, not way out in the boonies 20 miles from the nearest little tourist town.  I’ve never lived in the city, and it has a certain appeal, especially as we get older.  There comes a time when you have to give up driving.  I wouldn’t mind giving up driving.  I just feel that there would be more life I can get H and I involved in.  Volunteering, getting more politically involved, hanging out in coffee houses and talking with the kids and the hippies.  Learning to paint, doing stand up.

Husband would much rather withdraw from society, venturing into town only when absolutely necessary.  He’d love a big garden and a greenhouse.  Part of me would like this too, but then I think I’m still too ingrained as to want what H wants.  That will be the ultimate test.

But I’m getting too far ahead.  First I have to learn to meditate and live in today.  Anyway, I’m trying to re-adjust.

Now I’m off to hide myself away and work on the routine I hope to put up on Youtube today.

Other People Running My Life

I want to run my own life.   I told husband today that I’m tired of other people telling me what to do and how to do it.  I want to make those choices for myself.   I know we can’t all just do whatever we want, but I don’t plan to hurt anybody by my actions.  I’m trying not to put myself first, but then again, someone has to.  I’ve been waiting 52 years for MY LIFE TO START!  It’s my turn to make the rules (at least some of them).  It’s my choice whether I pursue a disability claim or not.  I’m tired of waiting for things to line up and give me a sign that never comes.

Lithotripsy treatmentSo I’ve decided, right here, that I will pursue my comedy, despite having to travel.  I’m the only one stopping me now.  Husband will just have to learn to deal with my being gone some evenings.  I’ve been trying to write this past week, but with husband’s kidney stones, life has been pretty much upset.  He’s going back to work tomorrow, so I will have more time tomorrow, unless he gets an attack tonight.  We’re waiting now for an appointment to have lithotripsy done, where they break up the stone using ultrasonic waves.  If that doesn’t do it, they have to go up through the urethra into the kidney and pulverize it by sight.  Or worse, remove it surgically.

Meanwhile I am trying to write 15 minutes of comedy, then try it out on YouTube.  I just need some alone time to do it.  If I could just start fulfilling some of my dreams now, I might be able to wait through this year and battle with disability.  Right now I don’t even care if I get it anymore–I mean, it doesn’t look promising, so it’s better to expect NOT to get it than otherwise.  So far the lawyer I engaged hasn’t been any help.

Seattle Skyline

I also have to stop fantasizing about living on my own in Seattle for now anyway.  I can’t do anything until things settle down with husband’s health and we get past mourning his friend’s death.  I’ll talk to my therapist some more about what’s behind my desire to leave.  Do I just want a vacation from reality?  Do I really need to be on my own for a short period of time?  Or do I really want to end my marriage?  I guess it would be uncaring for me to just jump out now, and maybe a little premature.  After all, I’m still so indecisive I don’t want to make the wrong choice.

There, I feel just a little bit better.

Look out Life, I’m taking control…slowly.

I’m Back

Just got home from 7 days in the hospital psych ward after a serious suicide attempt last Sunday.  It came as quite a surprise to everyone, even me, though it had been on my mind for many weeks.  Sunday I just reached the breaking point, had a huge fight with my son and gave up.  Fortunately, my son realized what I had done and they got me to the ER.

I met some wonderful, troubled people there, and plan to keep in touch with a few of them.  It made me feel sort of lousy, being among all these people with such serious problems compared with mine.

I’ve made some plans to keep me busy and involved in life and made a schedule that I will put up in my bathroom to remind myself every day of the things I want to be doing.  I am Imagestaying away from words like “should” and “never” and “always” and that’s a little tricky.  Just another thing to work on.  I will be blogging a little less, and have to cut down a bit on my reading of other blogs so I don’t lock myself away in my room reading and isolating myself from family.

I missed all of you and hope to catch up a bit on my reading, but it will be a few days.  One of my major plans is to see if I can train my chihuahua to be a pet therapy dog.  I don’t know what’s involved, but I’ll look into it.  I also plan to check out the little theatre they have nearby and see if I can do some performing of some sort.  I think the outlet will be very good for me.

I hope all of you have had a great week, and I look forward to touching base with all my blogger friends in the next few days.  I’ve missed you all very much.

I Wrote Something Funny (I Hope)

This is what I ended up working on today.  I’ve performed this bit before to pretty good reactions, and this is the bit I want to perfect for open mic nights.  Enjoy.

Getting old sucks.  I mean, it beats the alternative, but it sucks.  It’s especially tough on women.  The media only lets us see the young, beautiful women.  I haven’t seen an old lady on TV since the “where’s the beef” commercial.

I’ll bet most of you are too young to get that joke.

Have you ever seen your grandma in her underwear?  I’ve got nothing to arm myself with for my future—unless you’re in medicine most of us are not prepared for the day you look in the mirror and wonder who the hell is looking back at you?  And what have they done your birthday suit?

As little girls, we get “the talk.”  As adults though, no one prepares you for what you look like, say after you’ve had a kid or two. Eliminating stretch marks is like “male enhancement”… there are some things you just can’t change without an airbrush.

I’ve got crows feet  and laugh lines and I’m thinking botox.

My once-perky C’s look like C minuses, and the only reason I wear a bra is to keep my boobs above my belly button.

Friends say, Aw you look great, but now they add those three words: for your age!

My dr tells me to relax, it’s my forgetfulness is from stress, menopause, or a side effect of some medication.  I don’t want side effects of medication that I’m going to have to take another medication for.

I realize I’m 50 and 50 is OLD.  That’s wrinkled-gray-haired-bifocal-wearing-saggy-assed-pee-when-I-laugh old.  There’s just no way to spin that.